Hey folks, I don't discuss my mental health much on here anymore; and I just wanna talk briefly about why that is. This isn't a callout post for everyone that does. It's much more a personal realization. After years posting about depression, suicide, and anxiety

therapy helped me come to terms with the fact that I had been doing it for ages as a way to avoid really facing what was going on and actually doing the work to get better. I always looking for affirmation and love on here. And it was cathartic to yell about these struggles. That

combination of having folks provide comfort plus the relief that comes with writings things out was something I held onto. I hated myself for so long and I can only say now that I've started loving myself. And when I hated myself, I needed affirmation from other folks. It's also

just so easy to post instead of facing the problems and all the emotional weight that comes with them. I didn't even realize I was avoiding it! I thought I was helping me and other people. And I did help other folks. People felt less alone, went and got help, etc because I talked

about this stuff. But it also drained folks, people worried about me, it became toxic, etc. And it may have helped me in the beginning, but it slipped into something self destructive over the years. Not talking online anymore and going to therapy was what I needed. I had two

major breakthroughs last year that drastically changed me. I'm not suicidal very often anymore whereas it used to be daily. Am I still depressed and anxious? Of course! I'll always be. But I learned how to manage it and take things a day at a time. When I start spiraling, I don't

post. I reach out to friends, or meditate, or sit with the feelings and process. I did cognitive behavioral therapy which just gave me a lot of practical tools to cope in the moment. Posting was just a bad coping mechanism in the end.

That's where I'm at. I'd like to talk about mental health more again down the road, but I don't know what that looks like. I just know what it can do to me and the toll it takes. I finally love myself enough to not think I should die or be self destructive. I gotta protect that.

Last note, posting about mental health often gave me the illusion I was getting better. It felt like as I was posting my realizations, I was doing better! It must be cause I learned all these new things? But it was just pulling me away from working on actual, meaningful progress.