We shouldn't have to wait until women break, until marriages fall apart, for rabbis to dole out heterim, exemptions to Jewish laws.

We can teach brides - and grooms - about consent, bodily autonomy, female pleasure, w/o compromising halacha or changing the Chasidish way of life.

The irony in all of this, sadly, is that framing sex as a mitzva a woman has to do to keep her husband satisfied is that it backfires. Too many men *aren't* satisfied, and their wives have no way of even conceptualizing what they want.

But when rabbis bemoan the many men who do look outside their marriages for sex they blame the internet, they blame the "street", they worry men don't learn enough Torah. They never seem to connect the dots and it's about time they did.