Thread by @NortherlyRose, What you might notice if you communicate with me. A #thread about [...]

What you might notice if you communicate with me.
A #thread about how being #autistic affects #communication (I can’t speak for anyone other than me).
#autism
#AllAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
1/

I’m quite likely to dive straight into the topic under discussion without any social niceties. I may try hard to remember something that’s going on for you, but hold back from mentioning it in case I’m wrong.
2/

If we meet somewhere noisy or busy I’m likely to hop about a bit trying to work out the best place to sit, so I can see and hear you, without getting too close or the light in my eyes. If it’s a virtual meeting I’ll be fiddling with the camera angle in a dimly lit room.
3/

If we haven’t already got an agenda I’ll almost certainly create one, in my head if not out loud. I’ll probably ask how long we’ll be meeting for, if this hasn’t already been agreed.
4/

I’ll almost certainly take notes, even if you say there’s no need to. It’s how I organise my thoughts. I’m likely to have something with me to refer to, on paper or screen. I may have done what appears to be an excessive amount of preparation.
5/

I may struggle to understand what you are saying if there is music in the background or competing conversations. If you start to give me very complex information verbally I’m likely to ask if there’s a written version you can send me.
6/

If you make derogatory remarks about an individual or a certain group of people I will look extremely uncomfortable. I’ll either defend them or point out why particular people get picked on and how unfair it is.
7/

If you make a joke I might not laugh immediately as I may be struggling to work out what it means. I won’t laugh automatically just in case it turns out to be an inappropriate kind of a joke.
8/

If we’re meeting about a subject in which you are the expert I’ll listen with rapt attention taking copious notes. I’ll have to think a bit before coming up with questions. You might get these later, after the event.
9/

I may be more honest than you expect, sharing information about myself and expressing opinions that might be unpopular. You may find me more intense than other people. If we get onto politics or social justice I’ll speak with passion.
10/

I don’t like the phrase “information dumping” as this suggests it’s low quality, not carefully gleaned and sorted. On subjects of special interest, which I’ve researched extensively, I may start speaking and find it hard to stop.
11/

If I get carried away I may not notice you becoming bored with our conversation. And if I’m enjoying it a lot, even if I do, I may not want to stop. I’ll probably lose track of time so I may have set a reminder. If not you’ll need to signal it’s time to stop.
12/

I’m quite likely to summarise what we’ve discussed along with anything we’ve agreed. I may not have picked up on hints, and any hidden agendas are probably still unrevealed.
13/

I may end the meeting more abruptly than you expect. I don’t go in for the standard social niceties that tend to happen. This doesn’t indicate a lack of interest or commitment. I’ll be hurrying off to follow up on what we discussed.
14/

I’ll be thinking about what we discussed after the meeting. My mind will be primed for any relevant information and links. I’m likely to send you additional information and questions, perhaps introduce you to people I know. Your special interest may become mine for a while.
15/

I won’t conform to hierarchical expectations - we’re on a level whoever we are. I like arguing without it turning into a disagreement. I won’t pretend to agree with you, or expect you to agree with me. Homogeneous opinion troubles me. It’s false and it doesn’t solve anything.
16/

Any excitement is purely for the subject matter. If I wanted a relationship I’d tell you so. If you’re flirting it’s unlikely that I’ll notice. If you send me creepy messages you’ll get blocked. You may find me very annoying for reasons you can’t articulate (I’m autistic

).
17/

I’ll probably be dressed a bit differently to other people. I’m big on hats, velvet jackets, tactile jewellery and scarves. I’m often the only grey haired person in the room, and I’m proud of it. My clothes are secondhand and I’ll reveal this even at the poshest of functions.
18/

I’ve got a thing about punctuality so I’ll arrive far too early then hang about somewhere, trying to decide when to ‘arrive arrive’. I’ll have planned my itinerary, researched the location and studied Googlemap images, but I may still get lost, or struggle to find the way in.
19/

If you’re politely late you’ll find me scrolling through my phone, or looking in my diary, checking the time, location, and date in case I’ve got something wrong. If it’s an unfamiliar setting it will take me a while to work out where everything is and to decide where to sit.
20/

You may think you’re having a meeting with an adult, but if something joyful or untoward happens I may seem like a child. I’ll rush over to the window to glimpse a rainbow, or struggle to eat a pudding that has custard on it. I’ll chat to strangers but dry up with friends.
21/

There are a few things you may not notice too. I’m quite good at pretending not to be anxious or afraid. Probably my police training. And you may not see the links between apparently random things I mention to you. My cognitive process and reasoning may be different to yours.
22/

Something else you may not notice is how much I care. When you share something with me I’ll share something back. That’s my way of showing empathy, solidarity and connection. If I’m direct it’s because I’m trying to communicate clearly and honestly, not be hurtful or unkind.
23/

If it’s just the two of us talking the conversation may go steadily, like a friendly ping-pong match. If it’s a larger informal group I’ll probably struggle to get into the conversation, or mistime my comments and interrupt. I’ll retreat somewhere quiet if I get overwhelmed.
24/

When I meet like-minded people something magical happens. Conversation flows, misunderstandings don’t occur, silences aren’t awkward, there’s a natural ebb and flow. The people I get on best with are often outliers like me.
#autism
#autistic
#AllAutistics
#communication
25/ end

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