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**raw long tweet ahead**
i had a breakdown yesterday while my wife and i were trying to hang up a big 6 person swing. I'm not usually a guy that tries to build things or fix things. if you've followed me long enough the past 5 months you know i'm trying -
i had a breakdown yesterday while my wife and i were trying to hang up a big 6 person swing. I'm not usually a guy that tries to build things or fix things. if you've followed me long enough the past 5 months you know i'm trying -
i never use to try because my step dad always made me feel like i couldn't do any of that kind of stuff or do it right. he didn't bother to really teach me and when he did it was him talking down to me to make me feel inadequate.
well yesterday as i was trying to figure this swing thing out my wife without realizing it was triggering me in a way that made me feel that inadequate feeling again. she didn't mean to. it's not her fault. i had to quickly tell her i'm feeling triggered and i needed a second
so i walked off into my barn and i cried probably the hardest i have in a long time on the floor. repeatedly saying how much i hate him. she came in an apologized and we hugged. he hasn't been in my life for almost 2 years now but he left this scar on me and i hate him for it
when will it get better? will i always be this triggered? i know God can heal my heart over time but it feels like it will take forever.
i say all of this because in particular to us Fathers (i know it can go for mothers too but i'm talking to dads here) we can cut our kids so deep in areas like this. Even if it seems something so small it can scar them so easily and cut so deeply.
always be aware of what we say to our kids whether we are joking or not. they trust us with literally their life. don't take that lightly for a second. If your child wants to watch or help you do something no matter their age, try to include them.
take every teaching moment with them that you can. Because one day, if you do not, they will not be coming to you for anything. then THAT will cut you deeply whether you admit it to them or not. Cause even when he was in my life - i didn't want to go to him for shit.
