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TWITTER EARNESTNESS KLAXON.
I am certain I am not alone in this, and the reasons are obvious, but my OCD is eating me ALIVE at the moment.
(Trigger warnings apply to the thread that follows).
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I am certain I am not alone in this, and the reasons are obvious, but my OCD is eating me ALIVE at the moment.
(Trigger warnings apply to the thread that follows).
1/
Medical/hygiene OCD is most commonly associated with excessive handwashing, and it's true my hands are a little bleedy atm, but the thing that's really flaying me at the moment is the thought loops.
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In particular, I'm finding myself lying in bed, trying to remember when I touched my face over the day and if I *really* cleaned my hands thoroughly between that and when I last handled a package that came in from outside.
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And then I imagine I can feel the virus growing inside my nose, and then I feel a little tickle in the back of my throat...
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...and then we're all dressed up and ready to go to a midnight panic-party, with sheet-toga included.
I'm infected! By my own carelessness! And now the vulnerable person I live with is going to die etc.
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I'm infected! By my own carelessness! And now the vulnerable person I live with is going to die etc.
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Like I said, I'm certain I'm far from alone in this, especially since the new variant started spreading.
So, a couple observations.
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So, a couple observations.
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It's in my nature to seek data, to fight fear with information, and rationally assess risk.
That isn't working in this situation. Better is trying to accept it's out of my control, but that it will pass, and that I can only follow the guidance and wait it out.
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That isn't working in this situation. Better is trying to accept it's out of my control, but that it will pass, and that I can only follow the guidance and wait it out.
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I always found it hard to make meditation stick, but recently I've tried it again, just 10 mins at a time.
It's making a real difference interrupting the loop and getting in some practice exercising choice over what I'm thinking about. Worth a go.
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It's making a real difference interrupting the loop and getting in some practice exercising choice over what I'm thinking about. Worth a go.
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Finally (again, this isn't in my nature) I'm trying to cut myself a mile of slack, and I hope you will too.
Of course you're knackered, being scared all the time is exhausting! If you're not sleeping well, doubly so. If you're alone, triply.
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Of course you're knackered, being scared all the time is exhausting! If you're not sleeping well, doubly so. If you're alone, triply.
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It's a pandemic. If you're getting through the days, washing and getting dressed and occasionally eating a vegetable, you're doing amazing. I find exercise helps if you can manage it, but if not, that's ok too.
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This won't last forever, but in the meantime know that you're not the only one, it is real but you will get through it, and you have my utmost love and respect.
Shout if you want to chat.
11 & fin.
Shout if you want to chat.
11 & fin.
