Interviewer: so do you think this disrespects Chinese culture?
Me: I'm not sure I believe in the concept of respecting Chinese culture, so.....

It's been days and I'm still thinking about this.

I stress that I do care deeply about Chinese culture (else I wouldn't commit poems to memory, do translations and all that), but I don't think I desire it to be unconditionally "respected" as a whole. Kept pure and given worship.

Even that phrase "respect Chinese culture" turns to ash in my mouth. People and culture are complicated. As are the legacies of imperialism and cultural revolution, the rejecting, reviving and remixing that's happened and still going on.

Not to mention the very active and ongoing harm that's done in the name of advancing Chinese culture. The remaking and alleged rebirth of it. Lies that are told I'm the name of it. All sorts of things that I am frankly ashamed of.

And maybe I'm overthinking it. But days later it's still rattling around my head.

I don't think I believe in this abstract "respect" that so many others seem to think is owed to a singular, pure, easily defined "Chinese Culture".

Apparently I periodically have this thought: https://twitter.com/jeannette_ng/status/1117393692200001541