[CW: self-harm] a friend just had to kick someone off a discord server for repeatedly discussing self-harm (which is against the server rules). I've seen this come up before in other spaces and want to talk about it for a sec. >

< it's important for folks--both community members and moderators--to understand that these rules are not about protecting the person discussing self-harm. They're about protecting everyone else.

Specifically when it comes to self-harm, discussing specific behaviors can trigger others who struggle with self-harm. Some folks specifically seek out communities where that content is banned to avoid being exposed to it.

The person my friend just had to boot from their server got really angry about it as a rejection of them personally. And especially if someone's in crisis, it can be really hard for a community to draw a line about their behavior. But it's necessary.

The immediate impact--this person will be upset if I tell them to stop--is much clearer than the knock-on effects of allowing them to continue: other people quietly leaving. Still more people seeing that the behavior is allowed in spite of the rules and doing it too.

It creates a snowball effect where allowing the behavior shifts the community towards that behavior: people who don't want to be around that behavior will leave; people who do will stay or join.

This is true of most community rules--but that effect is more obvious when we're talking about, say, rules against being racist: it's easy to see the impact that racism has on other people. Allowing racism will attract racists and repel folks who don't want to be around them.

But the same effect applies to things like self-harm and constant self-loathing. Even if it doesn't have the same immediate impact on someone else that racism would, it can still have a long-term negative impact on the community.

It's very difficult whether or not they want to hear it, and most communities are better served by recognizing that they cannot provide crisis support and establishing boundaries around people seeking crisis support from them. https://twitter.com/finkelbuster/status/1348369516821057537

This can be really hard in the moment. It can feel callous to enforce boundaries around crisis support.

But people in crisis deserve expert care from people equipped to provide it. Directing people to crisis resources is more compassionate than letting them spiral in your space.

This doesn't mean that people in crisis or those living with mental illness can't participate in online communities. Breaking rules/crossing boundaries is a behavior, not a diagnosis, and people in crisis can still be great community members.