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Many are grieving. As a loss survivor & grief therapist, I've seen there are many misconceptions and unhealthy ideas about grief. So, here's a thread on grief that I hope you find helpful.
1) Grief is not pathological or an illness. It is natural, understandable, & appropriate.
1) Grief is not pathological or an illness. It is natural, understandable, & appropriate.
2) Grief and mourning are not the same. Grief is what we feel about our loss, mourning is our expression of those emotions. Grieving outwardly, so to speak. This is how we move forward -we feel the emotions of grief and we express them in some way(s).
3) There is no reward for speed as you grieve. There is no perfect timeline and all losses differ and impact our lives in different ways. Be patient and kind with yourself. Confucius said it well, "It doesn't matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop."
4) When we are grieving, others can make us feel shame& embarrassment. We hear that “doing well” is being strong, under control &rational. While denying your pain may make others around you feel better, it will not help you heal. There is no shame in grieving.
5) Living and loving fully means feeling fully. We have to grieve in order to heal. I often share the grief advice no one wants to hear: "The only way out is through." We cannot bypass our grief - whether that is by avoidance, toxic positivity, or spiritually. We must feel it.
6) Grief is not linear and does not proceed in an orderly, predictable manner. This is wishful thinking. It's more helpful to think that we have various needs in grief and these often overlap and even reoccur. There is nothing neat and clean about grief. It is messy.
7) We must take steps that help us be with our grief, and not avoid it. Wolfelt says, "Far too many people see grief as something to be overcome rather than something to be experienced." We cannot "conquer" our grief.
8) Tears help us heal and are needful. They are not a sign of weakness. They help us release internal tension and let agitation flow out of our bodies. So please, go ahead and cry without apology.
9) Grief is not the opposite of faith. It is toxic to tell people to not grieve because their loved on is in heaven or because God has a plan. Jesus said, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
10) Many feel that the emotions they feel during grief are "wrong". They are unprepared for the anger, the fear, the doubt, the questions, the conflicting emotions they may feel. May I say that God is not afraid of your feelings (even your anger) and can handle your questions.
11) We often think there is some final ending to grief and therefore feel alarmed when waves of grief come up after good days. The truth is we will always grieve. It may not be so overwhelming, but the sadness will remain as a reminder of the love you had for that person.
12) When we grieve well, and pay attention to our grief, we can - in time and with work - become reconciled to our loss and live again with hope, joy, meaning, and purpose. But I firmly believe our loss will change us. May it make us more compassionate to the pain of others. End/
13) I thought of one more thing. While grief is most often associated with the death of a loved one, we also may grieve the loss of a relationship, a job, health, and many other things. We should normalize grieving these losses as well.
