Men.Body image. Food. An important thread.

Every January the pressure to look like what we see online builds.

With that can come restrictive,irrational habits,often associated with women.

But men are susceptible to this.We just don't talk about it.

This was my struggle:
(1)

Over a number of years, particularly when playing at u21 county level, I gradually became hyper aware of my weight & body composition.

No comment was ever made but in such a set up you become very aware of the physical condition of those around you. A sort of unsaid rule (2)

It started out by reducing carbohydrate intake every so often but gradually became more restrictive over time.

To the point where the following were some examples of my irrational, unhealthy behaviors: (3)

I completely cut carbohydrates out of my diet. Almost every meal was meat and veg.

You couldn't pay me to eat a carbohydrate, to the point where I'd second guess eating an apple or wholemeal wrap.

Sugar was rare. I'd buy a fulfill bar and cut it in half. That was my treat.(4)

Every morning I would spend a few minutes gazing at the mirror & weigh myself.

Never out of vanity. It was never about what I looked like with a top off. In my head it was a reassuring behavior to tell myself I hadn't put on any weight. An irrational fear of gaining weight.(5)

Match days were particularly stressful for some strange reason.

Rather than upping my food intake the week of a game I would often reduce it. Significantly.

My worst nightmare was that someone would pass comment saying I was carrying weight on the pitch.(6)

So often I thought I was going insane with the nature of my obsessive thoughts and behaviors.

"Lads aren't meant to think about this stuff".

I am keen to point out that things never got to the extremes, but at the same time it was debilitating in its own way. (7)

Going for food with friends or spontaneously grabbing lunch with your girlfriend shouldn't be a stressful experience. But it was.

And with that, when I did "allow" myself something "unhealthy" it would often be followed with a binge. A strange feeling of no self control.(8)

So in early 2019 I decided to acknowledge my struggle and sought some help.

Psychotherapy with an emphasis on digging out the root of the issue and a goal of putting back on some weight.

2 years on and for the most part I'm in a much better, healthier place. (9)

My actions are no longer dictated by irrational feelings or emotions. They still come and go but I can acknowledge them and not let them stop me eating plenty.

But I would be lying if I didn't admit that it's still a work in progress. (10)

It's still a mind f**k sometimes to be eating so much more.

And despite how irrational it can be, it's been a challenge watching my body go from 83KG to 90KG, despite a conscious decision to eat more, lift more and weigh more. (11)

It's nice feeling bigger and stronger but at the same time my mind often likes to draw my attention to the fact that certain parts of my body aren't as defined as they were before.

Its a constant mix of emotions. But I'm getting there.

Me Xmas morn Heavier. Happier. (12)

I'm pretty sure many females can relate to a lot of what I just said.

A lot of small un-extreme behaviors that can have an extreme impact on your self esteem and lifestyle.

I like to think there's males out there who can relate. But we don't talk about it. (13)

I'm a physiotherapist. My other half is a dietitian. I'm a 6 foot 3, 90 kilo GAA player.

Don't assume the standard male doesn't experience this.

I hope that being open about this can bring some discussion to a topic that is often silently debilitating for men and women.(14)

All of the above is a significant reason why I'm cycling across America in April.

5,500KM from Los Angeles to New York in an attempt to raise awareness of everything I've discussed and some much needed funds for @bodywhys. A great charity.

All support is greatly appreciated