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The world’s best dog turns 8 today. Lots of you know that he has an inoperable tumor growing at rapid speed on the inside of his jaw, so I wasn’t really sure he was going to make 8. He really hasn’t lost a step outside of some energy zap and switching to soft food, but
It reminds me of a story I don’t think I’ve shared. When this guy got delivered to me, I was living alone in a one bedroom apartment that didn’t allow pets. He was tiny. Look at him!
My wife and I were moving to a different city and I went in advance of her to look for a house. A friend hooked me up with the apartment he owned as long as I cleaned it out after I left. They’d just evicted someone and it was a mess. I never told him I got a dog.
So I got this dog delivered in the middle of the night from a friend. He slept with me on an air mattress every night (he still won’t do a kennel to this day) and I thought we were best friends. Then, a week in, to show his love, he legitimately took a shit on me.
I wasn’t mad. He was 8 weeks old and I wouldn’t wake up, so that’s how he told me he had to go. Anyway, the next day I felt bad so I thought I was going to be the best dog dad ever and go get him tons of treats. I bolted to Petsmart over lunch and loaded up on stuff.
Like $50 worth of bones and toys and stuff. I gave him these things called “dream bones” and he devoured them. He was in Heaven. I’d made my buddy happy and we were cool. I went back to work.
That day, I learned a really hard dog lesson: READ THE LABELS. Especially ones that say “do not give to puppies.”
I came home to a nuclear shit Holocaust. All over the walls. The carpets. Everywhere. Someone put a firecracker in shit and it was hanging from the ceiling fans, dropping down the windows, everywhere. Shit everywhere. Ryan’s steakhouse shit. Everywhere.
I cleaned it up, we had a good laugh, and I never thought about it until we bought a house and I was loading my stuff up into my truck to leave. I moved the kennel and realized there was an incredible stain line.
Like a true young 20s asshole, when my friend asked about it, I went off on a tangent. “Yeah man it’s gross. The people who lived here before must’ve been disgusting. Unreal.”
I think it took him 6 months of seeing my dog at my new house to put together that Thomas Jefferson was the culprit.
Apropos of nothing, happy birthday to my main guy. I know this is likely the last time I’ll get to say it, so we’re gonna have a hell of a day.
paint me like one of your French girls
And like that, today is our day. It’s his day. And it is cutting me like a knife - I love my dog so much, but that’s why it has to be this way.
I will miss you every day for a long, long time. When I was in my lowest spots, you were always in my lap or on my shoulder. When I was happy, you’d jump to the ceiling with me. But it’s time to go.
I’m going to miss your stupid big wet kisses, your cat personality and the way you let my son lay on you even though I know you’re annoyed.
I’ll miss you sleeping in our bed every night like you did for 8 years, and I’ll miss your whine whenever another dog walks by, even though you wouldn’t know what to do if you got ahold of it
I’ll miss our walks, our runs, and you passed out on the floor, soaking in what sun you could after. I’ll miss you forever.
