Read on Twitter
I want to tweet today about demand avoidance & why I believe it’s probably a “self preservation” strategy for autistic children rather than an oppositional defiant thing. This came to me when thinking about a headteacher who’s sadly had a breakdown under the strain of COVID.
Head teachers are having demands slung at them from everyone at the moment: the government, their staff, governors, parents, the DFE and God knows who else. The pressure must be immense and it’s no surprise that humans are starting to “fold” mentally but it got me thinking 
I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel here and often when I think I have reinvented the wheel it later transpires that some other bright spark already thought of it and that’s prob the case here as well 
Autistic ppl also have demands flung at them by everyone too and this starts as small children. It comes from parents and schools and siblings etc and the demands on the face of it won’t look or seem like “demands” to the “demander” they will seem like regular reasonable things
Eg stuff like “eat your dinner” “brush your teeth” etc. Except if you have major sensory issues and brushing your teeth tastes like drinking overproof Jamaican rum then you will probably find that horrid and distressing
I think autistic ppl do 1 of 2 things under the strain of demands they can’t prop explain to the “demander” are very hard for them. They either “comply” which ultimately leads to mental collapse or if like me they already know that compliance will result in collapse they avoid
So it occurred to me especially as I’m very demand avoidant myself that actually most of my demand avoidance is born out of self preservation. Ie I know I will break down if I keep saying “yes” and “complying” I don’t think I could have explained this as a kid. I just “knew”
I suspect demand avoidance looks very different for different autistic ppl. I’m very verbal and smart mouthed so I can use my brains on other ppl to avoid demands but my PMLD son is NV and he will “smash stuff” and “kick off”. The message is the same and it’s
However it’s not non compliance for non compliance sake. It’s def more self preservation and people who don’t experience the world as an autistic person would won’t see that and they won’t get it AT ALL 
Back to head teachers. Seriously for your own mental health and self preservation my strong suggestion is that you start to “demand avoid” where you can because if you don’t you won’t be able to do anything at all if you fall apart and that’s how it is for autistic ppl 
I believe demand avoidance is up to its neck in double empathy issues. Most autistic problems frankly are. @milton_damian
