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Okay, it's finally time for the THREAD that some of you are excited to read and the rest of you are excited to mute:
CASSIE
GIVES
FINAL
GRADES
TO
ALL
THE
GILMORE
BOYS*
*Grades are based entirely on personality because I am very gay.
CASSIE
GIVES
FINAL
GRADES
TO
ALL
THE
GILMORE
BOYS*
*Grades are based entirely on personality because I am very gay.
We're going WORST TO FIRST, starting with THE CONSENT VIOLATION TIER.
Some of these men would be higher (and in one case, much higher) if they hadn't committed at least one unforgivable act that I am absolutely going to hold against them, even if they've shown later growth.
Some of these men would be higher (and in one case, much higher) if they hadn't committed at least one unforgivable act that I am absolutely going to hold against them, even if they've shown later growth.
#17 - ASHER FLEMING
While age gaps can be fine in some relationships, the power dynamic at play here was straight up abusive. Asher had a clear history of grooming young women and there is nothing charming about any of this.
The worst man on the show.
Grade: G (worse than F)
While age gaps can be fine in some relationships, the power dynamic at play here was straight up abusive. Asher had a clear history of grooming young women and there is nothing charming about any of this.
The worst man on the show.
Grade: G (worse than F)
#16 - DEAN FORESTER
Seemed fine up until the "I Love You" fiasco, then multiple seasons of gross jealousy, moping, and fighting. Then the wedding and infidelity and overall shittiness.
He manipulated and destroyed the life of a woman to get back at Rory, pretty much.
GRADE: G
Seemed fine up until the "I Love You" fiasco, then multiple seasons of gross jealousy, moping, and fighting. Then the wedding and infidelity and overall shittiness.
He manipulated and destroyed the life of a woman to get back at Rory, pretty much.
GRADE: G
#15. JACKSON DOUGLAS
He lied to his wife about getting a vasectomy, causing her to become pregnant against her will.
He had his charming moments elsewhere, but this is beyond unforgivable.
GRADE: G
He lied to his wife about getting a vasectomy, causing her to become pregnant against her will.
He had his charming moments elsewhere, but this is beyond unforgivable.
GRADE: G
#14: JESS MARIANO
It's all about That Moment In The Bedroom Where He Sexually Assaulted Rory. I will not forgive him for that.
Jess would actually be high on this list otherwise, because he showed incredible growth in Season 6, but you have to draw a line somewhere.
GRADE: G
It's all about That Moment In The Bedroom Where He Sexually Assaulted Rory. I will not forgive him for that.
Jess would actually be high on this list otherwise, because he showed incredible growth in Season 6, but you have to draw a line somewhere.
GRADE: G
We move to the UNFORGIVABLE ASSHOLE TIER with
#13: TRISTAN DUGRAY
There is nothing good about Tristan. He is a bully and I hate him. I know his dad is also bad, but that's no excuse to be loathsome.
He's only this high because he never had a chance to truly fuck up,
GRADE: F
#13: TRISTAN DUGRAY
There is nothing good about Tristan. He is a bully and I hate him. I know his dad is also bad, but that's no excuse to be loathsome.
He's only this high because he never had a chance to truly fuck up,
GRADE: F
#12: RUNE
There was nothing good about Rune, who only got one episode to make me hate him. He used that time effectively, though - you have to give him that!
Still: anyone who is going to act like THAT on ANY date, especially with Lorelai, is an F in my book.
GRADE: F
There was nothing good about Rune, who only got one episode to make me hate him. He used that time effectively, though - you have to give him that!
Still: anyone who is going to act like THAT on ANY date, especially with Lorelai, is an F in my book.
GRADE: F
#11: CHRISTOPHER HAYDEN
Christopher is a big dum-dum who can't see past his own nose as he stumbles backwards into money and good looks.
He's super entitled and essentially just treats Lorelai like yet another thing he deserves.
He's okay to Rory I guess.
GRADE: F
Christopher is a big dum-dum who can't see past his own nose as he stumbles backwards into money and good looks.
He's super entitled and essentially just treats Lorelai like yet another thing he deserves.
He's okay to Rory I guess.
GRADE: F
#10: MARTY
It's not just super rich people that are super entitled on Gilmore Girls.
Marty is the quintessential "friend zoned" guy who feels like he deserves Rory because he's vaguely nice to her, even as he forces her to lie on his behalf. What a creep.
GRADE: F
It's not just super rich people that are super entitled on Gilmore Girls.
Marty is the quintessential "friend zoned" guy who feels like he deserves Rory because he's vaguely nice to her, even as he forces her to lie on his behalf. What a creep.
GRADE: F
#9: JASON
You don't sue your girlfriend's family.
Also I remember basically nothing about him even though I just watched the show, so he's pretty clearly not a good match for Lorelai.
GRADE: F
You don't sue your girlfriend's family.
Also I remember basically nothing about him even though I just watched the show, so he's pretty clearly not a good match for Lorelai.
GRADE: F
Moving on now to the FORGIVABLE ASSHOLE TIER:
#8: LOGAN HUNTZBERGER
I want to hate Logan as much as I hate Rory's other boys, but Logan is the only one who even tries to grow and escape the orbits of his toxic family and friends.
He sucks, but...I dunno. MAYBE?
GRADE: D
#8: LOGAN HUNTZBERGER
I want to hate Logan as much as I hate Rory's other boys, but Logan is the only one who even tries to grow and escape the orbits of his toxic family and friends.
He sucks, but...I dunno. MAYBE?
GRADE: D
#7: MAX MEDINA:
I'm downgrading him a lot because of his casual transphobia, but it was 2003, so maybe he's grown.
Otherwise, he would be one tier higher - totally fine, probably good, but not right for Lorelai.
GRADE: D
I'm downgrading him a lot because of his casual transphobia, but it was 2003, so maybe he's grown.
Otherwise, he would be one tier higher - totally fine, probably good, but not right for Lorelai.
GRADE: D
Moving on to the next tier, THE MOST BORING MEN ALIVE.
#6 - JAMIE
Remember when Paris dated a random dude for a while? And then she fell in with horrible horrible Asher? And then he just kinda went away?
Yeah, He was fine, I guess.
GRADE: C
#6 - JAMIE
Remember when Paris dated a random dude for a while? And then she fell in with horrible horrible Asher? And then he just kinda went away?
Yeah, He was fine, I guess.
GRADE: C
#5: ZACK VAN GERBIG
Zack got so much screen time in Seasons 6 and 7 and not one memorable thing happened the entire time. All I really know about him is that he used to be in a band and he's apparently bad at sex.
Poor Lane.
GRADE: C
Zack got so much screen time in Seasons 6 and 7 and not one memorable thing happened the entire time. All I really know about him is that he used to be in a band and he's apparently bad at sex.
Poor Lane.
GRADE: C
On now to our second to last tier, LOYAL TO THE END.
#4: DOYLE MCMASTER
Doyle is annoying and too high strung, but he's incredibly loyal to Paris and he doesn't just put up with all her Paris-ness, he actively seems to enjoy it. He's a goober, but with a good heart.
GRADE: B
#4: DOYLE MCMASTER
Doyle is annoying and too high strung, but he's incredibly loyal to Paris and he doesn't just put up with all her Paris-ness, he actively seems to enjoy it. He's a goober, but with a good heart.
GRADE: B
#3: DAVE RYGALSKI
The only man who understood that Lane needed a guy who wouldn't just walk over broken glass for her, but would get into the broken glass and hold her hand as they tried to escape together.
Too bad The OC cut their time together short.
GRADE: B+
The only man who understood that Lane needed a guy who wouldn't just walk over broken glass for her, but would get into the broken glass and hold her hand as they tried to escape together.
Too bad The OC cut their time together short.
GRADE: B+
And now we're on to our ENDGAME tier:
#2: PARIS GELLER
I know that Paris isn't a boy, but the enemies to friends to lovers arc that I really really wanted this show to have would have been perfect, and Paris is Rory's soulmate. You will never convince me otherwise.
GRADE: A
#2: PARIS GELLER
I know that Paris isn't a boy, but the enemies to friends to lovers arc that I really really wanted this show to have would have been perfect, and Paris is Rory's soulmate. You will never convince me otherwise.
GRADE: A
#1: LUKE DANES
It took me nearly the full seven seasons to completely come around on Luke, but in the end, I got it. He's kind, thoughtful, and selfless. I was definitely crying at the end when he and Lorelai finally came together.
GRADE: A
It took me nearly the full seven seasons to completely come around on Luke, but in the end, I got it. He's kind, thoughtful, and selfless. I was definitely crying at the end when he and Lorelai finally came together.
GRADE: A
