My New Years resolution was to stop tweeting about my experiences (particularly those with institutional ableism/oppression) in ways that leave me feeling exposed/vulnerable.

However, I’ve been feeling a little conflicted about some aspects of this lately. So I’m here to ramble.

On the one hand, people absolutely need to know about the reality of these issues. We can’t change what we don’t know, and nothing seems to do reality justice quite like actual lived experiences do.

On the other hand, tweeting about these experiences so candidly has left me vulnerable, particularly to the judgement of others.

Regardless of legitimacy, I’ve noticed that folk tend to conflate “making experiences known & heard” with “child-like petulant complaining”.

Sharing about this stuff online can be a bit of a catch-22, in and of itself—where lack of detail leads to accusations of misunderstanding (and subsequent dismissal/minimization), while inclusion of detail leads to accusations of over-sharing.

“Visibility”, it seems, is often only valued when it functions to serve (rather than challenge) those who are unimpacted, and/or those in positions of power.

That’s where the whole “not making myself vulnerable” thing starts to bother me, because though in theory it may sound nice, in practice it starts to feel an awful lot like a combination of tone-policing myself, and masking (trying to “act neurotypical” enough to be palatable).

Which is what brings me to my next point, which is:

I shouldn’t *have to* perform, mask, or tone-police myself in order to be heard, respected, and taken seriously.

Our seat at the table should not be contingent on our assimilation.

Using the palatability of ones tone as a measure of validity, maturity, knowledge, or value not only decenters the voices & experiences or those directly impacted, but also serves to justify their ongoing exclusion.

Also, just a side note—I feel like conflating neurotypicality with maturity in general feels a little ableist

Anyway—again, this *shouldn’t* be necessary. But that doesn’t change the fact that it often *is*, and that there are often consequences for those who defy these norms.

I’d like to continue challenging this, as I’d rather challenge systems of oppression than appease them. But I’d like to find a way to do that with maybe a little more conscious consideration for my own safety/well-being/privacy.

Anyway, I’m not going anywhere or anything lmao, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts/feelings on this, as I’ve been thinking about it a lot.