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A THREAD on assertiveness and why we should all practice being more assertive.
First let’s differentiate between assertiveness & aggression. The former involves confidence & self assurance the latter involves domination & confrontation. Sometimes we fail to be assertive out of fear of being interpreted as aggressive which is considered unfeminine.
We don’t want to be labeled difficult, an angry BW or other iterations of the same stereotype. Then some of us were just raised voiceless. When we avoid being assertive as adults we surrender our agency and worse; we end up accepting less than we deserve at work and at home.
The gender wage gap is real but in my time days in HR it always amazed me how much we contribute to it. I interviewed many amazing qualified women for positions who were simply afraid to ask for the money. Men on the other hand whether they were qualified or not had no problem.
Failure to assert ourselves in a work setting also leaves us vulnerable when conflict inevitably arises. Here’s a good thread on handling work place conflict. https://twitter.com/justjustine92/status/1347152664283459586
Assertiveness is just as important in non professional relationships because people take so easily and so freely from those who do not assert boundaries.
When it comes to your love life being able to communicate your preferences in a direct way without attitude will keep your toes curled & your desires met once you let go of the “he should know” notion. Most men are not intuitive & do not pickup on subtlety & body language.
To start being more assertive start practicing with easy things. When you go out order what you want confidently and audibly also communicate with sales people confidently. Keep a journal and include things you want and desire & keep a vision board too.
Next work on your communication. Practice saying the things out loud that scare or trigger you when talking to your S/O instead of cloaking them with criticism or indifference. Say what you want don’t just think it. Don’t be vague. Be sure to attribute your thoughts to yourself.
Remember assertiveness does not denote a lack of femininity. In fact it highlights it because by ensuring that people acknowledge your feelings & emotions. It supports you being confident in your energy & knowing that you have a right to be heard on all matters that affect you 
