With all the calls for "unity" and all that, I have rt'd a couple pithy and true responss already, but I want to talk about it in a little more depth.

The "unity" crap shows up in a lot of ways, from "why can't we all just get along? :(:(:(" and "we are all FRIENDS here" to the forced teaming tactics creeps and abusers use.

And I call it bullshit because it is. It gets trotted out because it's perceived, right or wrong, that it's less effort to make someone just be quiet and capitulate than it is to actually deal with the problem.

Lots of folks are conflict-averse, and there's a lot of reasons for that, and they include kyriarchy and all of us hearing this "why can't we all be FRIENDS" crap from childhood on.

But it doesn't fix problems, it papers over them until suddenly your walls have rotted away and your house collapses and oh my god how did we get here?

We GOT HERE because we did not fix the ACTUAL PROBLEMS.

Folks who have followed me for a longass time know this saying already: it's okay if we're not friends.

I'm going to repeat it in all caps, and I want you to really internalize this:

IT'S OKAY IF WE'RE NOT FRIENDS

You do not have to be friends with anyone. You don't have to be friends with everyone. You don't! You literally don't!

Additionally, no one has to be friends with you! It is not the end of the world, even when it maybe feels like it and you want to be friends SO MUCH and you just KNOW it would b-

Stop. It's okay if you're not friends.

Moreover, there are some people you really SHOULD NOT be friends with!

This includes:
- Nazis
- white supremacists
- fascists
- abusers
- people who treat you like shit
- people who stomp all over boundaries
- people who just rub you the wrong way

(that last one? If someone rubs you the wrong way, sometimes it is your brain telling you HEY THERE ARE RED FLAGS HERE)

Anyway. Nazis and their pals *really want* to be your friends. They REALLY WANT you to "get along" with them, and buy in to their "we musn't be DIVISIVE", "WE ALL NEED TO BE UNIFIED" bullshit.

Why? Because that's how they recruit and gain legitimacy.

Nazis etc. recruit by getting you to fall for the same old bullshit that everyone being quiet is better than fixing the problem. It's especially dangerous with them because *they want to kill you*

Nazis want to kill BASICALLY EVERYONE.

And they want to be your friend so that you'll make excuses for them and let them get away with it.

"We all need to get along" is always bullshit, but it is especially dangerous bullshit from or about Nazis, white supremacists, and fascists.

If someone is telling you to be friends with fascists etc.? At a MINIMUM, that person is not your friend. They do not have your best interests in mind. They are probably a fascist etc. themselves, or on the way.

Not only is it okay if you're not friends, if you don't get along, it is THE BETTER CHOICE.

Don't be friends with mass murdering fuckheads.

It'll probably feel REALLY WEIRD, maybe internally threatening, to choose to not just go along to get along. Take a deep breath and remind yourself it's okay. It's okay if we're not friends.

Remind yourself that the "let's just get along!1!" thing is bullshit that makes problems worse.

Do what you can to fix the ACTUAL problem.

Sometimes all you can do is not be goddamn friends.

It's okay if we're not friends.

It is an obligation to not be friends with white supremacists and their pals.