Autism and friendship

Something I've wanted to do a thread on for a while but now feels the right time

A lot of stereotypes on this topic

That we're 'bad at friendship.'
Or 'We're aren't capable of being good friends'

Although my friendships have been complicated, I wouldn't day either statement is true (in my experience)

For me, I never knew how to do the small talk thing instinctively.

I would struggle to start a conversation with others. I had to rely on people inviting me into the conversation. This is still somewhat true today, mainly if it's a group of people.

Naturally, this would make it more challenging to meet new people where friendships may develop.

However, once in a conversation I find I can keep it going. Especially if it's an interesting one! This is how I found many friends. It's based more on shared interests.

With social burnout being a big thing, I need to socialise a lot less than most people. Many think that "Sarah doesn't like me because she often says no."

Reality is "I'm exhausted, and I need time to build up my energy, so I can enjoy our time together."

Consequently, people think that you either don't like them/don't want to be friends with them.

Contact often stops when a friendship is just starting to develop.

Maintain friendships can be more challenging than making them for me.

One thing I've noticed is I prefer to have a small group of friends who I'm really close with than a wider social circle.

It just suits me better.

Because of my social differences, I have fallen out with more friends than most. At the time I didn't really understand why, but now I know I'm autistic it just makes sense

Part of this was not choosing friends wisely. Being a neurominortiry automatically makes you more vulnerable and people notice and like to take advantage of that.

From my experience, they will become your best friend very quickly, but when they have your trust will either take advantage of you or drop you like a bad of sick.

Beware of these people

One thing that has helped me a lot is learning about narcissism from @DoctorRamani

Many of these people who were bad friends were narcissistic.

I'd recommend fellow autistics to check out her content to help avoid narcissistic abuse in the future.

One thing that's important to remember though is friendship is a two-way street. If it doesn't work out, your autism can never be entirely to blame.

A lot of people think many autistic people don't have friends at all.

Our friends may not be typical, but they are still there.

There have been time periods I've had no friends but I've found it takes time to find the best friendships.

That's more a less what I've got to say on the topic.

If you enjoyed this thread or would like to support my online advocacy work, I would be forever grateful if you could buy me a coffee (or tea in my case). https://ko-fi.com/saraheboon