for me the most important part of Tim Kaine’s statement this morning: about the enablers

I think a lot of people would like to believe that just because they didn’t personally ascend the Capitol steps, break glass, wave Confederate flags, and defecate in the halls

their years of votes and support played no role in Wednesday’s action whatsoever

we talk a lot about healing and reconciliation

as if we can skip the important work of atonement first

(if you like, call it at-one-ment)

a lot of folks need to look in the mirror and ask:

is this me?

is this who I want to be?

and then maybe think about healing

at the very least let’s not place the burden of forgiveness entirely upon the shoulders of those victimized by Trump and his enablers

without calling on Trump and his enablers to do some work of their own first

and now please forgive me for a somewhat crude but I think useful analogy

telling someone they have an obligation to forgive is a little like telling someone they have to come during sex

a) that’s not how orgasms happen

b) that’s now you ruin the experience for everyone

if you’re serious about the orgasm, you do the work on your end to create the kinds of conditions that allow it to happen

things like mutuality, respect, and of course consent

forgiveness is not anyone’s right nor is it something we can or ought to demand

it takes hard work