Read on Twitter
Inspired by @HundredthIdiot's recent thread about brewing and friends, I also want to tell a story to illustrate a simple, profound, but also mundane experience that guides my life.
I'd love to hear more stories about shared activities with others that turned out to be magical.
I'd love to hear more stories about shared activities with others that turned out to be magical.
When I was in my early 20's I spent some time working on farms in Italy. I once stayed with a family in Montalcino with an organic vineyard there. The mom was Canadian, the dad French, and the kids, well, were now Italian.
On top of the dreamy setting, the social experience I had there was something like aspirational modern village life. Every night, after a long day of work in the vineyard, our muscles ached and our fingernails were dirty and our skin a little tight from the sun and wind.
Fellow villagers would often come by for dinner. We would pour into the kitchen, someone would be cutting vegetables, someone caring for kids, someone setting the table, someone taking a ride on a bike to the local baker who sells fresh bread to everyone in town at dinnertime.
With all the movement of people and things, the good feeling of tiredness and that first sip of wine you stole from the table to drink while cooking, we all were giddy and laughing and making jokes and telling stories and it felt easy.
We had a shared experience of the day to scaffold our connection on.
"Remember when he slipped down the hill today? hahaha"
"What do we do about cutting that tile we need to lay tomorrow?"
"How should we handle the erosion at the bottom of the hill?"
"Remember when he slipped down the hill today? hahaha"
"What do we do about cutting that tile we need to lay tomorrow?"
"How should we handle the erosion at the bottom of the hill?"
By the end of dinner, it's easy to look around at the faces and feel so grateful. For the food, the work, the time together, the purpose, and for these people who give you something to look forward to in life. As connection grew, so did a mutual care: I want to see them succeed!
The stars don't always align to make such experiences possible, but I am guided by seeking them. There are these moments that can converge, if we know what we are looking for, where people's interests and free time and disposition can all work together to make something great.
These experiences can arise from something as simple as regularly inviting people for dinner, or making beer, or working together on a project. The goal never starts out as building friendship, but it's what keeps people coming back.
It seems we've lost sight of what we sociologists call social capital, because it's really not measured by any meaningful quant. metric. It's fully qualitative, it's literally quality of relationship and it has no monetary value.
If we could re-orient our lives to relentlessly pursue these kind of connections, material needs will absolutely flow. This is what people mean when they say solidarity. If I care about you I will try to ensure your success and you mine.
This is the home where I stayed!
And the vineyard
