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Alright, quick thread about some people might not be on board with a "let's forgive, heal, and move on" stance right now.
Hypothetical: Over the years, I've set your house on fire, peed in your mailbox, and thrown poo at your car.
I move up the Dick Ladder™ (patent pending).
Hypothetical: Over the years, I've set your house on fire, peed in your mailbox, and thrown poo at your car.
I move up the Dick Ladder™ (patent pending).
Over time, people start to notice I'm doing this to other folks who happen to be like you, and not like myself. In fact, I seem to be doing it exclusively to people like you, and not myself. Up a few more rungs on the Dick Ladder™ (do not steal).
Why am I doing it? Who knows.
Why am I doing it? Who knows.
So you finally say, "hey, this is a Dick Ladder™ move. Can you stop?" I flatly refuse. You ask why. I say, "it's because one time, I think you might've bought a pineapple, and I hate them."
This is ludicrous, but in the interest of peace, you agree to stop buying pineapples.
This is ludicrous, but in the interest of peace, you agree to stop buying pineapples.
Peace is restored, even if the reason is unfathomable, yes?
No. I pee on the ashes of your former house. Confused, you confront me: "I stopped buying pineapples, what gives?"
"I never said that was the reason," I reply, still relieving myself in the rubble. Up a few more rungs.
No. I pee on the ashes of your former house. Confused, you confront me: "I stopped buying pineapples, what gives?"
"I never said that was the reason," I reply, still relieving myself in the rubble. Up a few more rungs.
Even though I'm the aggressor, and you have every right to feel upset and betrayed, you think, "I don't want to start a fight. Surely I can reason with him."
This goes on for awhile, as I steadily climb the Dick Ladder™ (now with 10% less carbohydrates). But it gets worse.
This goes on for awhile, as I steadily climb the Dick Ladder™ (now with 10% less carbohydrates). But it gets worse.
As time goes on, other people like me take notice of this new rubble-based bathroom I've created from your old home. They also find homes to burn down, and/or relieve themselves in the rubble of. Despite only going after a specific type of house, they insist it isn't targeting.
You finally have enough, and call the authorities. You explain that a madman burned down your house and peed on it. They shrug and say, "It's probably just a coincidence. Maybe you provoked them. Could've been an accident."
But it doesn't stop there. Not content to simply make you uncomfortable and/or homeless, I'm emboldened by your lack of confrontation. I pee in your mailbox again, and your car, even your coffee.
By now, I'm pretty far up the Dick Ladder™, because no one's pushed it over.
By now, I'm pretty far up the Dick Ladder™, because no one's pushed it over.
At some unspecified point, I finally pee in one too many mailboxes. The authorities give me a ticket for vandalism. They don't bring up the arson, but hey, it's retribution of a sort...but also not. It's a placative gesture, at best.
I casually blame you for the whole thing.
I casually blame you for the whole thing.
Having finally had enough, you push over the Dick Ladder™ (with REAL natural flavors!), it topples to the ground, taking me with it.
Indignant, I insist that you've gone too far. I ask, "Why can't you just live and let live?", as I grab another torch.
Indignant, I insist that you've gone too far. I ask, "Why can't you just live and let live?", as I grab another torch.
"You're going to burn my house down again," you point out. "I see you grabbing another torch."
"No I'm not," I reply, lighting the new torch.
This cycle repeats for weeks, months, years, decades. I've scaled untold heights on the Dick Ladder™ (v2.0a)
"No I'm not," I reply, lighting the new torch.
This cycle repeats for weeks, months, years, decades. I've scaled untold heights on the Dick Ladder™ (v2.0a)
Fires I started earlier, burn my mailbox down. You decide to pee on it.
"This is unfair," I complain. "You can't ruin my things! I don't like it when you do that." I accuse you of being an arsonist, even though the fire was accidental. I demand compensation, while denying yours.
"This is unfair," I complain. "You can't ruin my things! I don't like it when you do that." I accuse you of being an arsonist, even though the fire was accidental. I demand compensation, while denying yours.
For a lot of people right now, the arsonist in this story is not only demanding equal treatment for an unequal offense, they're doing so while continuing to deny starting the original fire. They don't express remorse for starting it. They don't even acknowledge the fire.
I firmly believe in forgiveness & reconciliation, always have. It's the root of civil discourse, healing, and growth.
But, I can also appreciate how angry someone is for being attacked and gaslit for an extended period of time. That hurt runs deep, it can't be handwaved away.
But, I can also appreciate how angry someone is for being attacked and gaslit for an extended period of time. That hurt runs deep, it can't be handwaved away.
It's worth taking a minute to consider why someone might not be ready to forgive and move on just yet. A lot of folks are only just starting to see how long this fire-starting pee-fest has been going on, and how bad it really is. Many still can't come to terms with it.
In conclusion: we can't decide for others how they feel, whether they're hurt, or whether they must forgive. If we truly want to bridge that gap - any of the gaps - it starts with acknowledgement, true understanding, and honest conversation.
Just don't climb the Dick Ladder™.
Just don't climb the Dick Ladder™.
