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He was 12 when it happened the first time. By that age, Xue Yang was already known as a delinquent- he would steal money pouches, get into street fights, barge into empty houses when it was cold and just overall be a nuisance in Kuizhou. But that was as far as it went.
In truth, some of the people who had seen him grow up in the street did not mind his chaos much since they knew it was just the result of a rough upbringing.
Until a particularly cold winter morning. It was 3am when Xue Yang sat outside the bakery.
Until a particularly cold winter morning. It was 3am when Xue Yang sat outside the bakery.
He had his back to the wall, knowing it was the best begging spot since at around 4:30am the owner would light the fire inside and warm him. Not much later the other stools would open. Knowing he had guaranteed his place, Xue Yang closed his eyes and drifted into a light sleep,
just to be woken up by a hard shove, throwing him on the floor. It was another beggar, a few years older than him who Xue Yang had fought with a few times.
“What the fuck? That was my spot, you know how it works. Go find somewhere else.” He scrambled to his feet.
“What the fuck? That was my spot, you know how it works. Go find somewhere else.” He scrambled to his feet.
“Or what? You are the size of an ant, do you really think you can talk to me like that?”
Xue Yang was shivering. He could not afford to lose that spot today or he would probably freeze to death somewhere. All houses were packed and locked,
Xue Yang was shivering. He could not afford to lose that spot today or he would probably freeze to death somewhere. All houses were packed and locked,
any other place would not give him access to the main street. In days like that there was less movement so stealing was difficult, but people became a bit kinder. He gave a deep breath and reached behind himself, pulling a knife out of his belt.
He generally used the knife for cutting fuit or threatening people, it had never become a weapon.
The man scoffed, getting up to his full height and looming over Xue Yang. “You don't even know how to use that.” He put a hand on Xue Yang's face,
The man scoffed, getting up to his full height and looming over Xue Yang. “You don't even know how to use that.” He put a hand on Xue Yang's face,
giving him a hard shove back so he fell again, hitting his head on the floor. “Scram.”
It took him a few seconds to fight the dizziness but rage began boiling inside him until his grip on the hilt made his knuckles go white.
It took him a few seconds to fight the dizziness but rage began boiling inside him until his grip on the hilt made his knuckles go white.
He made a run for the man, aiming to stab his arm, nowhere lethal but enough of a warning. Still slow from the hit, he was easily overcome and before he saw it there was a knife pointing towards his face.
Terror made him cruel.
Terror made him cruel.
He managed to hit the other's arm hard enough for the grip to waver and before he could realise it, his own knife had been sunk to the hilt in the man's chest. Before he could think, he pushed him away and pushed the knife in again.
He did it until the body was covered in cuts and his rage cooled.
Xue Yang does not remember much of what happened after, or the days he spent barely alive after that, unable to eat or sleep.
Xue Yang does not remember much of what happened after, or the days he spent barely alive after that, unable to eat or sleep.
But he does remember washing the blood off his hands for the first time and realising that there was no way he could ever see himself as human again.
// ok gn now
