I got called the "extreme left" today. I'm a fat, beer-swilling, chevy pickup-driving redneck from North Carolina with a shotgun leaning up in the corner of the room who just happens to believe that all people deserve to be treated decently

and have the same opportunities to succeed in this world. I was raised in the Presbyterian Church and told that whatever we do to the least of our brothers and sisters, we do to Jesus. I believe that the government shouldn't screw with people's bodies,

legislate morality, or stick their nose in what consenting adults do in their bedrooms (or kitchens, or hot tubs, or wherever. Just don't scare the horses, as the Victorians used to say). I believe that the government should be fiscally responsible,

which means that I'm in favor of "tax and spend," because that's better than "spend and spend and hope your children will pay for it." I believe that healthcare is a human right,

and that everyone deserves the support they need for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I believe that if the state pays for higher education, then a better-educated populace will make more money to spend more money to pay more taxes,

so there's plenty of money to pay for more education. I believe that no one should ever have to crowdfund to pay for medical procedures, that no one should have to choose between food and insulin, and that you shouldn't have to avoid the doctor because of money.

I believe that we're the same color on the inside, but our differences make us beautiful on the outside. I believe that the contributions people who don't look like me have made to my life make me a better person. I believe that most situations are worsened by armed response,

and that most emergency calls can be better served by medics and counselors than police. I believe that racism is reductive, and what it reduces is our soul. I believe that love is love. I believe that children are not born knowing how to hate.

I believe there is a god, and none of us have any idea what she looks like or wants us to do, so all we can do is try to be good to other people and help those weaker, less fortunate, or less capable. I believe that sometimes violence unfortunately is the answer,

that sometimes you have to beat a motherfucker with another motherfucker, and that if you have to hit somebody, make damn sure you don't have to hit them twice. But it's the last resort. Oh, and I believe that Frosted Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tarts are the best flavor.

If those things make me the extreme left, then I guess I'll take my pro wrestling-watching, Jason Isbell-listening, pickup-driving ass over to the side where all those people wearing the black outfits are standing. You know, black clothes. Like Johnny Cash used to wear.