Thread by @AlyAlyOutnFree, CW: parental acceptanceI had my mothers number blocked on my phone for [...]

CW: parental acceptance

I had my mothers number blocked on my phone for some time, so I’ve not heard anything from her for months.

I decided it was good for me, since it was just too toxic of a situation, and I figured if she can’t respect my core values, that’s that. *THREAD*

My birthday was on November 23rd and even though we hadn’t spoken in months before that, I was still hurt that she never even called me. I wasn’t expecting a call; she is sadly not good with calling others.

Cleaning out my phone today & I clicked on the “blocked messages” tab.

I saw a message from her on my birthday.

She did call me.

She left me a message telling me she loves me and that she hopes I’m having a good birthday and that, regardless of what I might think, she loves me very much.

I contemplated what to do, if anything.

Do I just delete the message, leave her number blocked and move on with my life, or do I do something?

After calmly and rationally thinking about it, I decided to unblock her number and at least reach out to let her know I got her message and to say thank you.

I knew immediately that if I did so, it wasn’t going to change what was done or how I still felt, but I figured it this way; I have no plans on dropping my guard and making myself vulnerable with someone who’s hurt me so many times, but... she reached out.

She said SOMETHING.

I agonized about how I didn’t even get a phone call on my birthday from my mom. I fell apart in April’s arms about it. The holidays were more of the same feeling; watching movies of families together, all the while feeling envious of them having at least something.

So I texted her, told her I didn’t know she had reached out like I had planned to do, then thanked her.

The exchange ended up being a two hour long conversation where we talked about how we felt, but...it was mainly me talking and her listening more, which I’m not used to.

I usually get overpowered and scolded for not putting her feelings first. But that didn’t happen.

I let her VERY clearly know that my transition is NOT a “phase”, that it is who I am. That I’m a woman, that the state & country recognizes that & that my fiancé & friends all do.

And I told her if she’s going to be in my life, she needs to do the same, and that I have a set of core values that I live my life by, that I have them taped to my vanity, and the people that encompass those values are the ones that get to stay in my life.

I also told her how destroyed I was in who her and my stepdad voted for, and I told her that I cannot have anyone in my life that is not my ally.

I also told her what else is included in that.

I continued:

I’ll keep what was said after between her and I, but....she was receptive.

I was cautiously optimistic afterwards and will continue to be, but...

Look- if you don’t know by now, my life is an open book. I’m not ashamed of sharing what I said. I proudly said it.

I PROUDLY stood up for me. I PROUDLY defended the rights I have to celebrate being my authentic self and PROUDLY said that, while a feeling of “mourning” the son she had are her feelings, it is NOT something she can discuss with me & should use therapy & support groups to do so.

I was guarded, but empathetic. I was cautious, but I shared.

We caught back up. We’ve lost a lot of time, but it was a step forward after absolutely nothing for nearly a year.

When so many don’t even have that, I figured... if she’ll at least try, I’ll at least listen.

I wanted to share this with you because it’s important.

I wanted you to see that it’s ok to stand up for yourself. That it’s valid to be hurt when someone hurts you.

That you CAN stand your ground.

And sometimes it opens dialogue back up.

I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but I do know we at least have a chance of having SOMETHING other than silence in a time when it’s crystal clear how fragile life is.

I can sleep much better knowing that.

MUCH better.

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