Tonight, I will be live-tweeting CATS.

I have never seen/heard the musical and my understanding is (i) it's loosely based on T.S. Elliot poems, (ii) a bunch of cats have to sing, and (iii) then someone dies.

If you need a distraction, this will likely be...very weird.

Alright, I have dinner, I have the DVD, dogs appear to be settled.

It's time.

Wait, what?

We...are kicking off this off with a person abandoning a cat in what appears to be the designated cat-abandoning alley.

The alley cats are asking abandonment-cat if she can do all the things cats do.

I...why is that the first order of business.

(Also, SCREW former owner-lady because animal abandonment is TRASH, but also sack-cat does not seem particularly bothered finding herself here.)

Wait, the questions were apparently not about cats but about jellicles.

I've seen this nonsense-term before and I'm sure a million people have asked, but is a jellicle just a cat? Just, like, a cat-language term for cat?

Where did this cat get a cat-sized hat.

...is this where Dr. Suess got his ideas?

Again, this is such a weirdly cheery, jazzy song to accompany a cat being THROWN FROM A CAR in a SACK.

I thought these were all abandoned cats, why do some have collars.

A billboard just shifted to read "Macavity" and I know this is one of the cats.

Is he named after a human named Macavity? Is this billboard dedicated to a cat? I-

They just cut to a cat I assume is Macavity saying "...what" in the break of the EXTREMELY long intro song and you know what, he's my favorite now because same.

This song is just singing "jellicle" six hundred times and now singing a list of cat descriptions.

This is so long.

Macavity is going to win the ball, apparently.

Didn't know balls were things you win.

You got IDRIS ELBA to be in this movie, one of the most attractive men IN THE WORLD, and you covered him in twelve layers of clothing and horrific CGI fur???

Apparently he's a magician.

Maybe that's why the billboard changed.

Great news - I had to turn on subtitles because I cannot understand what anyone is saying or singing.

Now we find out if that's because these aren't words, because everyone mumbles, or both.

Apparently, cats need three different names.

My dogs each have at least names in the teens, if you're including things like "gremlin," "lord of chaos," "buglet," etc.