what i noticed going from 156lbs to 85lbs ･ﾟﾟ･｡

it was never enough, no matter how small i got i still wanted to keep losing

mentally i became very fragile, i would cry over every meal or food substance no matter the calories

constant migraines, i would spend evenings with wet cloths on my head

always lightheaded, i had to be careful when standing up

my bpm was incredibly low to the point some nights i couldn’t even fall asleep

i would feel nauseous all time, some nights i would wake up and thr*w up no matter whether id eaten or not

i stopped doing the things i loved, even taking my dog for a walk was hard

i lost most of my friends, no one understood and none of them cared enough to say anything, most of these friendships i never got back

my potassium and ions levels became dangerously low, my health was struggling

i was indenial that everuthing was happening due to my size and weight loss so i would still push myself to my limits and it never ended well

i was constantly unhappy and i never knew why, i didn’t understand the extent of what i was doing

i fully lost the person i was

no one commented on my weight loss because they were too nervous to say anything so i thought it wasn’t good enough and kept going

one night i passed out in the shower and ended up fracturing my arm

i had very little focus, so even things like watching tv was hard for me

i spent my 17th birthday alone in my bedroom scared to even celebrate anymore

losing interests in my hobbies like baking and running, baking got too hard mentally and my body wouldn’t allow me to run

constantly was extremely constipated

dehydrated no matter how much water i drank

black coffee on an empty stomach each morning would sometimes back me throw up

i was dying

being small ≠ being happy

and that is something i have to constantly remind myself, i made this thread for myself snd for others struggling with relapse / recovery. i know i am currently. i tie so much happiness to being small but when i look back on it, i wasn’t (cont)

at all, i was sick, unhappy, and dying. but this wasn’t just because of extreme weight loss, or small size. all of this can happen at any weight, for any amount of restrictions. eating disorders have such a high mortality rate, :(

if you’re thinking about relapsing i urge you to join me to fight these urges and know your body deserves better. “if you aren’t recovering, you are dying”

my dms are always open x i love you all