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In the J-term class I'm teaching, the topic of "faking it" came up yesterday. I don't know who needs to hear this today but I thought it was worth sharing.
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Some women and non-binary people with vaginas feel pressured to "perform" pleasure for the benefit of a partner. In movies and on TV, sex rarely takes a long time -- it's done quickly and both parties act as though they had an orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex.
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In reality, reaching orgasm for people with vaginas is generally more complicated than that. It can be difficult for someone to feel confident enough to say to a penis-having partner that they need more than PIV in order to have an orgasm.
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Here's my advice to people with vaginas who have sex with people with penises:
If one of your goals in a sexual encounter with a new person is to have an orgasm, make that clear at the start -- and make it clear that you'd like your orgasm to be the first order of business.
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If one of your goals in a sexual encounter with a new person is to have an orgasm, make that clear at the start -- and make it clear that you'd like your orgasm to be the first order of business.
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If the person you're about to have sex with isn't on board with this, don't have sex with them -- full stop.
If they aren't willing to make your pleasure their priority, they're not worth your time.
/end thread
If they aren't willing to make your pleasure their priority, they're not worth your time.
/end thread
