My first unofficial date with my wife went great until the bill came.

It had been laughs, flirting and vibes, but then the receipt was placed on the table; it was like a gun going off at the start of the 100-meter sprint.

Let the games begin.

1/14

Would she offer to pay for her half? Would she expect me to pay?
Her eyes said, will he cover it?

The standoff. An amateur game of relationship chess.

This is a defining moment in most premature relationships.

2/14

In my early twenties, this seemed like an essential test for a potential life partner; splitting a £10 — Yeah, it was only £10 — bill between two people.

We were both students. I wasn’t earning any more money than her. I did not mind paying,but why was it my responsibility?

A good point, but not the real reason, I hesitated.

Should he pay on the first date? Should you wait 30 days to have sex? How early should you be? Pay for the taxi? Who asked who out? Open doors for your lady, always cook for your man—social media’s favourite talking point.

All of these tests might be great for dating, but great dates do not automatically equal great life partners.

Any person can tick the dating boxes if they try hard enough; the art of dating can be mastered and manipulated.

5/14

The difference between dates and marriage is the same difference between the idea of a person and ideals of a person.

Multiple dates with someone can still feel like you are dating a different person when the mask they wear peels gradually after each goodnight kiss.

6/14

You will learn more about a person in between the dates than you will swimming in the scent of their perfume and falling deeper into their eyes on romantic nights.

How a candidate performs in an interview does not necessarily reflect how they will deliver on the job.

7/14

As my future wife reached for her purse on our first date, and I heard the laughter lingering from my teenage years. The laughter of being called a dickhead, when you were used like free lunch tickets by notorious adolescent girls.

8/14

It was that principle that kept my fists clenched tight.

I’m embarrassed to admit it on the internet. Till this day, my wife still insults me at every opportunity she gets for making her dip into her purse to pay for her jerk chicken rice special.

9/14

What have we learned from that experience 13 years, 5 years married and one child later?

Does it matter that I did not pay for her meal? It did to her, but she was significantly more mature than me to not let her pride, blind her from the bigger picture.

10/14

Since then, I’ve paid for five-star hotels, designer bags, red-bottomed shoes, all overpriced Apple products. Things that would light up Insta highlights; we flew around the world in 80 days, I took her to the flipping United nations with me. We built a beautiful home together

She was smarter than me, because she could separate the children we were, from the adults we would become.

We miss certain things when we live and die by these predetermined dating rules and regulations.

12/14

Don’t put pressure on yourself by obsessing over checkpoints and second-guessing your instincts.

There is no secret formula, but to listen to what you want out of a partner — not what your friends like, not what your parents want, and not what Twitter says you should want.

We marry the person, not the character we dated.

We all strive to make an impression but, don’t let the glamour blind you from the reality. He can do all the right things, but still not be right for you. She might do everything you did not expect, but be exactly what you need.