PSA: I don’t know who else needs to hear this, but in a good relationship you deserve someone who loves you openly, loudly, consistently. Someone you can trust. Someone with relationship skills that are on par with yours.

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You deserve someone who uses your correct pronouns, pronounces your name right, and affirms your body.

You deserve someone who sticks up for you if others are being jerks. Someone who loves you & fights for you & works to compromise not just when it’s easy or convenient.

You deserve someone who believes in themselves as well as in you and your love.

You deserve someone who has a robust social support system and isn’t surrounded by toxicity.

You deserve someone who, when they have questions, is actually invested in working for the answers.

You deserve someone who listens to you, who is invested in bettering themselves so they can show up fully, who is down to do the hard work for healing so you can both have a good love and life.

You deserve someone with strong but flexible boundaries.

You deserve someone who wants you to have good friends and good love in your life outside of themselves. Someone who is willing and able to unlearn toxic scripts about what love looks like. Someone who challenges their negative thoughts, their insecurities, even when they exist.

You don’t deserve perfection, because that’s not real. You do deserve progress, even if it’s not linear (because it never really is).

You deserve to be cared for, invested in, thought about.

You deserve someone who will speak your love languages.

You deserve someone who is committed to learning themselves & learning you too.

You deserve someone that is honest & transparent, even when it’s hard. Someone who generally speaks with kindness, who knows how to feel their feelings or at least is working hard to figure it out.

You don’t deserve someone free from trauma, because most of us aren’t and it’s unrealistic. But you do deserve someone invested in addressing their trauma, in understanding it but not using it as a shield, in being accountable and responsible and vulnerable about it.

You deserve someone who either is not intimidated by the rest of your life and social circle, OR sees that as some thing to work on and work through rather than avoid or disparage.

You deserve someone who is in awe of you, who is impressed by you inside and out.

You deserve someone who has fears and anxieties and issues BUT who has enough skills and support to acknowledge them and work on them. Someone who may ask for help, or at least accept some offers of help, instead of suffer in silence and pretend nothing is wrong.

You deserves someone who will try to empathize with you, laugh with you, get righteously angry with you, even if they can’t always manage it.

You deserve someone who cares about your community, even when it’s not their own.

You deserve someone who cares about the world.

You deserve a relationship where you’re not always needing to guess where you stand. You deserve clarity.

You deserve secure attachment and safety.

You deserve stability and recognition.

You deserve curiosity and open-mindedness.