With interpersonal relationships, the key is to capitalize on the love and trust that exists between individual people. In my experience, playing dumb and neutral and open-hearted goes a long way here.

And before you yell at me that we shouldn't have to do this - Yeah. no shit. but apparently we do if we want relationships with these folks and we want to keep our loved ones to exist in the reality-based community.

Example. Imagine a parent who doesn't want to get vaccinated because they believe all sorts of crazy stuff about the vaccine:

"I totally understand your concerns. The world is upside down and it's hard to know what info to trust. Ultimately, it's your decision. I would just hate to see you unable to participate in your old favorite activities or unable to see friends because you don't get vaccinated."

It also might help to tap into possible other trusted elite sources. Do they trust their general practitioners? Often times even conspiracy theorists trust THEIR OWN doctors.

Maybe something like, "I hear you. These are scary times. Have you asked Doctor XX what he/she thinks you should do? Maybe ask the doctor if they themselves got vaccinated..."

Maybe tapping into NOT empirical scientific evidence, but powerful emotional and visual cues: "I have friends who are nurses & doctors who were so overwhelmed with gratitude when getting the vaccine that they wept. They see it as something that will really save lives."

Asking broader questions can help, too, always prefaced with a line that serves as an emotional "welcome mat:"

"I understand you're angry. If I were in your shoes I would be mad, too. But what if the people working to make you angry have something to gain from your anger?"

The racial component to all of this is the hardest part. I don't claim to know the answers here. My only suggestion is that proud people do not want to be someone else's pawn. And exploiting white Americans' fear of black and brown bodies is the oldest play in the book...

Again: wide-eyed, curious, playing dumb. "Why does Tucker Carlson say immigrants make America "dirtier," mom?"

"Mom, did you know Tucker Carlson makes $6 million a year?" (again. Wide-eyed. No judgment.)

Suggestion: when dealing with social/cultural conservative folks, don't say "I read that ...Tucker Carlson makes $6 million a year." or "I saw an article that say that..." Because then the response is "you probably read it in the fake news." Present it as TRUTH, not as evidence.

Another piece of this puzzle that I find helpful comes from some wonderful work by @RKellyGarrett and Brian Weeks. Some folks are more likely to draw conclusions about the world best on their GUT. What FEELS right. Not on empirical evidence, but on intuition...

These folks are more likely to hold misperceptions and to belief in conspiracy theories. https://rkellygarrett.com/epistemic-beliefs/

Based research on the psychology of social/cultural conservatism, it would seem that these gut-driven processors are also more likely to be high in need for closure and prone to heuristic decision-making... which clusters on the side of social/cultural conservatives.

So, of COURSE data and facts and empirical evidence is going to be ineffectual. It's about what "FEELS RIGHT." and what "FEELS WRONG." Which means these beliefs are guided by values, social identity, and cues in their environment that SIGNAL to them what is true.

Values.
Social identity.
Signals.
Emotions.

Because of the world they are in right now the most salient constructs within each of these categories is likely:

Values: traditionalism & nationalism
Social identity: MAGA conservative Republican Real American
Signals: from Trump, OANN, FOX, Newsmax
Emotions: Anger, resentment

So to reclaim these beloved friends and family, it's about diluting these forces with new ones (or old ones):

Values: family & friendship
Social identity: mother, sister, father, friend
Signals: from loving non-judging loved ones
Emotions: love, caring, respect

This isn't easy. It won't happen overnight. And no we don't WANT to do this because it's exhausting and it sucks. I know. But if we throw our hands up, what happens then?

We just watch as these folks drift off into an abyss that has been manufactured to exploit their intuitions and emotions for someone else's power and profit?... in ways that result in harmful/deadly outcomes for THEM and for DEMOCRACY?

I didn't think so.
x0

I'm now realizing that this thread is just another version of the TED Talk I gave this fall. Just with more swears. https://www.ted.com/talks/dannagal_g_young_the_psychological_traits_that_shape_your_political_beliefs?language=en

ps: If you read this and think I'm saying you have to invest in your relationship with your hateful, racist, homophobic uncle... uh no. This is for those folks who are struggling to connect with beloved family members who have fallen down a RW rabbit hole in last few years.

Pps: read Jonathan Haidt’s The Righteous Mind.