there’s so much to unpack here, but one thing i can say is clubhouse significantly stresses me out for this reason. in general spaces, in astrological and spiritual spaces, people equate their ability to engage intellectually/ use buzzwords to their worth & power in these spaces https://twitter.com/etheralogy/status/1347449720315248640

lately i’ve seen people say that clubhouse shows who really knows what they’re talking about bc it’s live verbal discourse. the idea is that those that can engage with these buzzwords and communicate well are “realer” than those who can write on twitter

and i really disagree but that sentiment has significantly increased my anxiety and my imposter syndrome. it’s the reason i’ve been searching for a vocal coach and therapy/classes. i struggle thinking and speaking in a linear fashion. i struggle processing auditory language

which means i struggle responding to it. i be struggling to follow. i forget. i know what i want to say but i can’t always explain it. i’ve grown to step into it, but i really started freaking out since these CH judgments began.

Today i finally told my mom that imma start auditory therapy so i can be more articulate and linear thinking.. i told her i wanted to change that to reflect my intellect. she looked at me and said “maybe you don’t need to be more articulate. maybe you need to be you.”

and i’m glad she did. i still want to go to therapy, but she made me realize that my worth and intelligence isn’t connected to my ability to communicate live using “big words” & a powerful voice. i am intelligent. i can take my time to think. i can ask people to repeat themselves

i hope people challenge the idea that someone’s ability to communicate and be present on clubhouse is an indicator of their intellect or a reflection of their work.