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Most of my life I wanted to connect deeply with the people around me but didn’t know how. I was a painfully shy extrovert as a kid.
Here's what I've learned about how to build meaningful relationships with others.
Here's what I've learned about how to build meaningful relationships with others.
First: what didn't work.
I thought becoming successful would attract people to connect with me.
It turns out the types of interactions people want to have with you because of fame and money are not often conducive to deep relationships.
I thought becoming successful would attract people to connect with me.
It turns out the types of interactions people want to have with you because of fame and money are not often conducive to deep relationships.
Eventually, I realized what I'd been doing for the first 35 years wasn't working.
After a lot of soul searching and self work, here are the things I found:
After a lot of soul searching and self work, here are the things I found:
1/ Invest in spending more time with people around you. Time spent == deeper relationships.
In that regard, COVID has been an opportunity to get closer to people as for many of us it has freed up time from surface level social engagements. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323783184_How_many_hours_does_it_take_to_make_a_friend
In that regard, COVID has been an opportunity to get closer to people as for many of us it has freed up time from surface level social engagements. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/323783184_How_many_hours_does_it_take_to_make_a_friend
2/ Develop a genuine curiosity for people i.e. learn to be interested in people not just for what they can do for you, but because you see something interesting in every person’s story.
I started to get curious when I decided there was something I could learn from every person.
I started to get curious when I decided there was something I could learn from every person.
3/ Get comfortable being vulnerable with other people. Vulnerability leads to closeness.
I got comfortable sharing the unfiltered version of what was going on with me, and to my surprise, instead of repelling others, they were attracted. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en&referrer=playlist-talks_that_just_might_save_you#t-186393
I got comfortable sharing the unfiltered version of what was going on with me, and to my surprise, instead of repelling others, they were attracted. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en&referrer=playlist-talks_that_just_might_save_you#t-186393
Deep relationships are work. It can be easy to look at others and say "those people just have them naturally, and I don't." Like anything, building relationships is a skill you can invest in.
