Notice the pattern. All those times you are told (or you have said) oh those people with power don’t mean to do [X bad thing]. They are just joking. They don’t mean to be hateful. It’s “unconscious”. Don’t worry about it. Don’t fret. Don’t call it out. Don’t ask for it to stop.

We interviewed a dozen people, and they were 100% white & 100% men? Oh we didn’t mean anything. That’s not racist or sexist. Oh those jokes insulting our wives? That’s not rooted in sexism. My wife is actually dumb. That violently breaking into the U.S. Capital & destroying…

…destroying everything? Oh, you have to understand. They were larping and memeing. They didn’t really mean it.

This is what people say in defending the cultural structures of racism, sexism, etc.

They do mean it. They mean every bit of it. Drip by drip.

This is how it works. That “joke”. That 100% white/male job candidate pool. That “you need to be friendlier” job evaluation. That “well, he deserved the promotion because potential, we’ll get you next time”— smothered in “we don’t mean anything by it”.

That’s a lie. Get honest.