1.Thread: I cried yesterday. It is terrifying, heartbreaking, to be minoritized in America.

Even when we are not directly involved, it’s painful.

We live a world that continually tries to harm us while so many white people are fine.

Today is not a good morning kind of day.

2. I can’t believe I have to do this again, say this again, but please don’t ask how your minoritized friends are doing unless you have that type of relationship.

What is often suggested instead is to say, “We’re sorry. We’re here. We will work on this. You aren’t alone.”

3. I think each one of you knows I hold my emotions well. I try to hold them forever with grace. I hold my anger, my sorrow, all on balance.

I must as a Black man in America.

Not today.

Today is raw emotions and even these are fine-tuned in many ways.

4. We have a president who invites violence against us.

We are killed for simply existing.

We are murdered for having the audacity to breathe.

We have congresspeople who incite this. Who fuel hate against us.

All because of the color of our skin, who we love, etc.

5. We have people who say Black Lives Matter then attack us in the same breath.

We have people who remain silent as we die. We have people who malign us.

We must live through people who are complicit in their silence.

We have people who reject us, our voices, our very being.

6. There are days I want to just scream.

Scream so loudly I can shatter this reality.

Scream so loudly that it shatters those who hate me for being born.

Scream because I care so fucking much about every single fucking person on this planet.

Scream because I’m scared.

7. I get scared simply wearing a hoodie.

White people can attack our government and be gently escorted out.

I worry every time I open my mouth to speak up.

White people can be racist or homophobic or bigoted and keep their jobs.

Our country is broken. Our soul is broken.

8. I and so many minoritized people are trying to heal this world.

We are trying to heal the best in us.

We are trying to heal our society’s best dreams.

We cannot do this alone.

Because it is terrifying every time we say “we must do better.”

We deserve help.

9. We did not break this world but we are trying to put it back together.

We are trying to take us to that better future.

We are human fucking beings.

We are people with hopes and dreams.

I never wanted to be this person. I never wanted to have to do this work.

10. I just wanted to be gay and Black, read fantasy books, watch anime, listen to Kpop, be a fantasy author.

I just wanted to find a boyfriend and we’d eventually get married at Disneyland.

We’d have two kids and just have a simple life where they, where we all, were safe.

11. I don’t know if I’ll ever get that life.

I don’t know if I can craft that peaceful world I once promised my friends in college.

I don’t know if I can bring forth that magical world I see in my mind. The world we could be with just a touch of magic.

I don’t know so much.

12. I don’t know if I can keep my friends safe.

I don’t know if I can do enough with others to create just a bit of safety.

I don’t know if I can do enough with others to heal the soul of our society.

I wish we had a better world.

13. But here we are. I am battling for all of you.

Your minoritized friends and people you don’t know are fighting for us all.

I never wanted to experience depression, bigotry, anxiety, suicidal thoughts.

But each of us is wielding our past trauma to create a better future.

14. I literally had people telling me yesterday that BLM protests weren’t peaceful.

On the articles I write, I’ve heard heinous things when I’m simply trying to help.

Minoritized people must walk in a different world too often.

All we want to do is dance in the light.

15. We deserve peace.

We deserve respect.

We deserve to be advocated for.

We deserve to dream freely.

We deserve to be ourselves.

We deserve to be loved.

We deserve to heal.

We deserve to not continually be traumatized by this country.

We deserve so much more.

16. And I say this with immense educational and economic privilege.

That hasn’t stopped me from being called the N-word, a fag, degraded in so many other ways.

But that has let me leverage those privileges for others.

It has let me be in a position to fight.

So I fight.

17. I fight for you.

I put on my glitter war paint for my friends.

I unleash my phoenix wings in hopes of keeping people safe.

I take up the mantle with others when we shouldn’t have to but we do anyway.

I do this because I know how to when I wish I never had to.

18. I am fortunate to be alive.

I am fortunate that I survived and didn’t kill myself.

I am lucky to be in remission and finally in a place where I am more safe.

This should be expected and not “fortunate” or “lucky.”

We need to stop under-shooting even the bare minimum.

19. I and others are battling for us all because we can be so much more.

We must be more.

We can be more.

That is why I do what I do.

Because we all deserve that simple, peaceful life of joy and dreams.

We deserve a world beyond who we are now.

20. We are getting to that world.

We are uniting in a way I’ve never seen.

But we do not have time to fuck around.

Too many people didn’t get the “luxury” of making it this far.

My parents said how saddened they are because they thought we’d be past this by now.

21. And to hear that broke my heart.

Our older generations of minoritized people worked so hard and this is where we are.

This is still too much of who we are.

But I think we can be better.

I think we can be more.

Let’s prove to ourselves that we can be so much more.

22.I am disheartened but I am determined.

I am terrified but I will keep fighting. I am enraged but I will continue to heal as many as I can.

I will do everything I can to create space for us all to rise.

I will continue to try to be the most positive force I can be for you.

23. I do not need or want advice today.

I will not engage around this today.

I do not need people telling me to make sure to care for myself. Trust me, I’ve made it this far, I know what to do.

I will forever fight for the best in us.

We all need to be doing what we can.

24. To my minoritized family: You are never alone.

I see you.

I love you.

We love each other.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself, your mind, your space.

To everyone: I love you all, but I think you already knew that