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Back when I was still a transphobic rad fem, I decided I wanted to write a book on "female gender dysphoria" and I started doing research on the history of medical transition, gender dysphoria as a medical diagnosis, transmasculine identity and so on.
I started my research as a true believer in transphobic rad fem ideology but by the end of a lot of my views had changed. Some of this was part of a larger disillusionment with the rad fem movement after rad fem groups started working with the Right.
Rad fem/right-wing collaboration made me doubt and question what I had signed up for but on top of that, a lot of what I was learning was also making me rethink my views on trans people and transition.
For one it became clear that a lot of rad fems and gender crits don't know shit about the history of medical transition or trans people or even the history of concepts they criticize like gender identity.
I was also learning stuff that directly contradicted their theories. Like how transition is supposedly conversion therapy for gay people. What I actually found was that many medical professionals thought it was way better if a person ended up gay instead of trans.
These medical professionals thought that trans people, especially those who transitioned, were sicker than gay people. They would much prefer a person with gender dysphoria deciding to live as a gay person than transition.
If a person with gender dysphoria was judged to be a "self-stigmatizing homosexual", they would be discouraged or prevented from transitioning. They were among the groups gender clinics tried to screen out.
That was just one example among many. I processed a lot of new information that ended up changing my views. At first I tried to reinterpret what I read so that it lined up with my rad fem beliefs but eventually I let myself come up with new ideas and understandings.
I could only deviate so far while I was still in the rad fem community since I knew I'd catch hell if I really changed my mind. After I left, I could let the process I'd started finish and keep going. I developed my own theories based on what I'd read.
I started my research a transphobic detrans rad fem and ended up becoming a radical transmasc feminist. I'm still interested in the history of gender dyphoria and transition but I now I want to learn about it to help trans people reclaim our autonomy from medical professionals.
Researching how trans people have been medicalized definitely raised my consciousness but not in the way I thought it would! I intend to keep learning and coming up with my own analysis and maybe even finish my book, though of course it'd be a very different book now.
