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I have a suggestion.
If you are close with anyone who still actively supports Trump, anyone who openly agrees with (or was one of) the domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol yesterday...
If you are close with anyone who still actively supports Trump, anyone who openly agrees with (or was one of) the domestic terrorists who stormed the Capitol yesterday...
...basically anyone who mentally lives in the right-wing MAGA/Hannity/Tucker/Newsmax/Brietbart/Parler/Qanon alternate reality Bizarro World cult bubble that tells them up is down, black is white and absolutely everyone who opposes Trump is in the Deep State...
...Well...
I'm NOT saying you need to automatically cut them out of your life. I'm really not.
But I DO think the time has come to have a long, difficult conversation with them about whether they'd rather stay in that alternate reality, or stay close to you.
I'm NOT saying you need to automatically cut them out of your life. I'm really not.
But I DO think the time has come to have a long, difficult conversation with them about whether they'd rather stay in that alternate reality, or stay close to you.
They'll use their usual deflection tactics. Do not get intimidated, and do not get gaslit. Here are my suggestions for how to counteract as many of their usual go-to's as I can think of:
- "Oh so you can't be civil with anyone you disagree with anymore?"
Tell them this goes way beyond "disagreement." This is about them mentally living in an alternate, fundamentally oppositional reality to your own.
Tell them this goes way beyond "disagreement." This is about them mentally living in an alternate, fundamentally oppositional reality to your own.
A reality telling them EVERYTHING that doesn't favor Dear Leader is fraudulent and evil. A reality fervently drawing a line in the sand between Trump and Everyone Else. A reality currently VERY actively trying to disenfranchise your vote.
Tell them how much it SCARES you to hear them talk and think like that. Don't hold back your honest emotions on this point. It's not an issue of disagreement, but of real, genuine fear. If a bear attacks you in the woods, you're not worried about it disagreeing with you.
Now obviously, this runs the risk of them callously disregarding your fears, through mockery or dismissal or both. If that happens, CALL THEM OUT ON IT. Point out how they clearly care more about the feelings of a billionaire President they'll never meet than about yours.
And illustrate how THIS is why you don't think you can associate with them anymore. You try having an honest conversation about how they're scaring you, and they mock you for being "weak." Emotional abuse, pure and simple.
"Those protesters were just trying to stop the steal!"
Explain as calmly and rationally as possible that there was. no. steal. Biden won fair and square. All the courts said so, up to and including the SCOTUS, which currently has a 6-3 conservative majority.
Explain as calmly and rationally as possible that there was. no. steal. Biden won fair and square. All the courts said so, up to and including the SCOTUS, which currently has a 6-3 conservative majority.
Even many of Trump's former allies in the Senate, including McConnell and Graham and even fucking Pence, are declaring Biden the fair-and-square victor.
So either ALLLL those former Trump allies are suddenly in the Deep State, or one 74-year-old man is delusional. Occam's Razor.
So either ALLLL those former Trump allies are suddenly in the Deep State, or one 74-year-old man is delusional. Occam's Razor.
Tell them how their abject rejection of basic demonstrable facts they dislike is making you seriously question their mental health. This is an important point: you're not angry at them, you're WORRIED. And even more worrying, they have no interest in even SEEKING the truth.
"The violent rioting was really Antifa!"
More of that fact-rejection. Parler is loaded with right-wingers, including several prominent ones, posting selfies of themselves inside the Capitol.
More of that fact-rejection. Parler is loaded with right-wingers, including several prominent ones, posting selfies of themselves inside the Capitol.
But even removing that...Trump himself issued a message telling them "We love you, you're very special." Why would he say that to Antifa, who he tried to brand a terrorist group?
Tell them this willingness of theirs to further demonize the other side as a scapegoat is even MORE concerning and frightening. Tell them how scared you are of them seeing YOU as an Enemy To Be Defeated next.
"Something something socialism!"
Tell them socialists didn't storm the Capitol. Trumpists did.
And it unnerves you that they're THIS willing to scapegoat a system of government that America hasn't even really tried yet.
Tell them socialists didn't storm the Capitol. Trumpists did.
And it unnerves you that they're THIS willing to scapegoat a system of government that America hasn't even really tried yet.
By now, you might have noticed that each of my suggestions opens with a quick refutation, but then quickly segues back around to talking ABOUT the person you're talking to.
This is absolutely KEY. Do not let them distract you away from this aspect. Keep coming back to it.
This is absolutely KEY. Do not let them distract you away from this aspect. Keep coming back to it.
If they insist on continually bogging you down in Alternative Fact Wack-A-Mole, call them out for deflecting from the primary issue at hand, which is THEIR behavior, and YOUR feelings about that behavior.
A phrase you should always have in mind, even if you don't use it directly, is "See, THAT'S what I mean!" Get them to the point where they're proving your points for you.
Now, will literally ANY of this work? Depends on what you mean by "work."
Will this magically turn them into better people? To be honestt, probably not. Trumpers don't listen to reason.
Will this magically turn them into better people? To be honestt, probably not. Trumpers don't listen to reason.
But they DO sometimes listen to emotion, and you should make it clear that their continued relationship with YOU is 100% at stake here.
At this point, it's worth a shot.
At this point, it's worth a shot.
