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OMG Trump's joined Parler and he's telling his 26 followers that they're true patriots.
Wow Milo just said "hi baby" and Trump DIDN'T ANSWER.
Hahaha bloody hell Milo wrote "erm hello?" and Trump still didn't answer so Milo said "fuck this, bye losers" and now everyone is slagging off Milo!
A Parler user called UniquePatriot8234734734564353 just told Trump that he should loosen up and wear suits that fit him better and Trump immediately blocked them so they've started a thread about how Trump is a jerk.
Melania has joined!!!
OK, so this is weird, Melania's just trying to keep it light so she said "what's everyone's fave movie? :)" and they're all saying their's (Triumph of the Will, Birth of a Nation etc) and Melania then revealed HER favourite movie is Glitter. Everyone has gone BERSERK over this.
She said "I dunno Mariah is just really good in it and the ending is so sad be best" and THEN she showed up in the UniquePatriot thread and started talking about Glitter and the Parler users are obviously annoyed but don't wanna show it.
Oh this is crazy, Ivanka just arrived and started a thread titled "Melania is a tacky queen" and is dragging Melania so Melania popped in and posted THIS gif!!!
WHOA Ivanka does NOT like this one bit, she said "daddy prefers to travel with me and I will always support him" and Melania posted THIS gif and now everyone is posting Mariah gifs!
Ugh Trump Jr just started a thread called "wHo loVes c0cAaaaaaaiiiiiiIIIiiiinnnnnne" and it's just a bunch of replies that say either "me!!!!!" or "it is the devil's dandruff ban all drugs".
Melania just posted this in Trump Jr's cocaine thread.
SHIT Trump showed up in Trump Jr's cocaine thread and ordered him to go to bed! Trump Jr is saying he doesn't have to do what Trump says because he is 43 but Trump said "I ORDER U AS UR PRESIDEMT" and I dunno if Trump Jr went to bed but he certainly hasn't replied.
Right, this is super strange...Eric's here but he's accidentally set his username as "ErucHello84" but whatever and he replied to Trump "can i birday???" coz it's his birthday and Trump said "no" so Eric replied "
" and people are finding it GROSS.
" and people are finding it GROSS.
Ivanka just replied with a birthday cake gif and the Parler guys are dead happy because the cake is VERY white.
Trump is saying Twitter is shit anyway and he's glad to not be using it and lots of his true patriot followers are agreeing and saying they were actually really glad when they got banned from Twitter and it's what they wanted along.
One of them is calling Twitter "Twatter" and the others think that is so funny. Trump said "gotta laugh".
Trump showed his statement to his followers on Parler and OMG Melania gave it a thumbs down, she literally just posted the thumbs down emoji and Eric replied "kel soopreez".
Whoa, bit of Parler drama when Trump started a thread where he implores everyone to persuade Melania to let him use her Twitter account. Melania let it go on for 20 minutes before replying with THIS gif!
Trump called her "a bitch" and Eric posted 10 snake emojis.
Fuck, ok, so Milo is back BUT he's refusing to be on topic and just keeps talking about other things. At first the Trump supporters were all going "did you hear something, I didn't" but then Milo wrote the n-word as bait and now they're all just loving Milo!
FINALLY Tiffany is here and it's quite a Parler debut! She said "Tiffany in da house, y'all salty li'l bitches" and she hasn't posted since and all hell has broken loose. Trump has said he gets his Twitter back in a couple of hours and he has evidence Tiffany is a ho.
OK, Tiffany has responded, she said "yeah I'm a ho, I've got kids by three different wives and I hook up with pornstars NO WAIT THAT'S YOU POPS" and Melania upvoted it!!!
Stephen Miller has logged on to Parler now and he types everything using the Runic alphabet and I'm actually pretty impressed with how many of the Parler users understand him perfectly.
Trump just posted that "Snapchat is the new Antifa" and Don Jr said "THAT'S RIGHT DAD FIRE A MISSILE RIGHT BETWEEN THEIR FUCKING EYES" and Melania posted this emoji 
and Don Jr said "brb need another bump".
and Don Jr said "brb need another bump".
Ted Cruz has joined Parler!!! His first post is whining that "the senate no longer respects me" and Eric said "r u ok Yed?" and Ted immediately left the platform! He's gone immediately and now everyone is rating his wife out of 10. Trump gave her a 10 which is quite a turnaround.
Hahaha Ivanka started a thread called "Describe my dad in three words" and Tiffany has made a swift return! She replied "out of office" and Parler banned her!!!!
Oh shit, Trump's concession speech from last night has NOT gone down well. It's split Parler in to two factions: one who feels betrayed and the other assures everyone it's "all part of the plan". Melania has posted "I know what it's like to feel betrayed" and it was 6000 upvotes!
