2020: I am an irony serial killer

2021: behold, I am here to deliver verklempt verbatim irony; v^2 irony https://twitter.com/igorbobic/status/1346898433689399297
This outfit though...that's commitment
Still applicable.

https://mobile.twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/1346900434540240897
...all I'm saying is Charles Manson spent a lot of years behind bars and didn't explicitly order specific harms...just a friendly suggestion on how to get the world going in his direction from a few loyal fans.
And again ooo-la-nope.
Man, piles kindling, pours gasoline, throws match: be a good little fire and only burn peacefully https://mobile.twitter.com/CBSEveningNews/status/1346919166662627330
Could someone please resurrect Robin Williams?

Both generally, but also specifically to narrate these fashion choices.

https://mobile.twitter.com/BDSixsmith/status/1346924972049117189
So we are saying this is the standard for all "protesters" that break into federal buildings to stage a coup?

I have some questions as to where this de-escalation technique is when dealing with those who are disabled, mentally ill, minorities, etc. https://mobile.twitter.com/bubbaprog/status/1346920198461419520
Oh Rick, you sweet, summer child. https://mobile.twitter.com/RadioFreeTom/status/1346934339741822980
The knights who say "nope...pretty please guys, we don't want to have to move the desks you threw out the windows back."

Can someone please get them some handcuffs or zip ties?

Blah, blah law and order!!?!?!
https://mobile.twitter.com/pinkrocktopus/status/1346918284805996546
So what they're saying is we COULD have a bunch of highly paid social workers instead?? https://mobile.twitter.com/kylebuchanan/status/1346924232828092418
Are you complaining about the racism cosplay budget, Dan? https://mobile.twitter.com/DanPriceSeattle/status/1346913328636059651
Look at homeboy here...thinking he didn't personally produce the recruitment poster for this constitutional cacophony. https://mobile.twitter.com/SenHawleyPress/status/1346931191732203529
Buddy boy, you *literally* produced the theatrical trailer for this prime time bullshit.

You jumped out of a plane and posed as some sort of super spy. Do you not remember your campaign glamorshot video?

Can we get Dan a campaigning accountabilibuddy?
https://mobile.twitter.com/DanCrenshawTX/status/1346912287798530048
Is there anyone on Twitter who didn't know this was coming for weeks (or longer)?

This was such a planned event. https://mobile.twitter.com/JoyAnnReid/status/1346944234310356993
Look at Ted.

As if he hasn't spent years playing armchair saboteur to this country.
https://mobile.twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1346911179042484230
I was a few days early.
https://mobile.twitter.com/TiffanyBond/status/1345856494105931778
These bros just trundled down and stormed the US Senate like they are role playing for The Princess Bride.
https://mobile.twitter.com/oliviamunn/status/1346948203447422980
A little harmless ribbing, amirite? https://mobile.twitter.com/pdmcleod/status/1346942367543091200
You know some people sit around and think "self, you know what 2021 needs? By golly, self, it needs a bit more King George!"

https://mobile.twitter.com/kaitlancollins/status/1346939652662562819
Collins, hoping traitors learn their lesson with a dash of scolding, a spoonful of sugar, and a pinch of constitutional resolve.
https://mobile.twitter.com/SenatorCollins/status/1346957335328124929
Don't mind me.

I'm just over here tweeting how @donlemon drinks on NYE.
The worst part of all this tomfuckery is you all KNOW those Senators voting to undermine democracy today are hoping that they can carve off their own treason tribe that will storm DC for them.

Those yahoos making statements against this have a bit of green envy it's not for them
Me, looking at aggregate Twitter comments: the prevailing criticism tonight is *checks notes* he's a total douche that incites violence and likes to force himself on people and countries.

Can you point to the wrong-y part? https://mobile.twitter.com/megynkelly/status/1346927526720004097
It's so very weird that these clear symbols of national unity weren't already on proud, permanent display... https://mobile.twitter.com/davidplouffe/status/1346933716929560576
Dog, coming in tight with a reaction summary of the day.
It's a plucky little treason field trip!

Time to find your buddy and pop back on the bus.
https://mobile.twitter.com/JoshuaPotash/status/1346967401422856192
What about a cozy corporate retreat, with a rope course and a few trust falls? https://mobile.twitter.com/BadiaAhad/status/1346924036635373570
Oh baby girl...it's not like any of your constituents *cough* ME *cough* told you what was coming. https://mobile.twitter.com/kristin__wilson/status/1346983370186608642
Hey Joe,

Can you give Rick "I can't imagine that the president wanted this" Santorum a call? https://mobile.twitter.com/WalshFreedom/status/1346904836269346830
There couldn't possibly be a bias in enforcement, could there? https://mobile.twitter.com/therecount/status/1346959738479718400
Ooooh. Another follow my words not my actions memo.
https://mobile.twitter.com/SenatorCollins/status/1346990983003705357
Have you seen anyone with a V-like presence yet?

We were promised lizard people in this series finale.

https://mobile.twitter.com/xtrixcyclex/status/1347006359691276292
I'm very glad I didn't stay up all night with you last night.

It turns out coups are much more insomnia- and rage-inducing than elections.

Who'd have thunk it?
Ayup. https://mobile.twitter.com/Stonekettle/status/1347011619470114817
The amount of treason it takes this man to reject appalling behavior is enough to choke a few dozen snakes. https://mobile.twitter.com/atrupar/status/1347014848459243520
Did you miss the high drama of the past 4 years?

Of course the cast is quitting the night before they get fired. https://mobile.twitter.com/jonlovett/status/1347016703784460292
The "right time" to impeach him was immediately following the racist and harmful ban on freedom of travel to and from Muslim countries, or at least the ones he doesn't do business with. https://mobile.twitter.com/QasimRashid/status/1347009621840584704
They had t-shirts made up like they are going on an extended family Disney vacation.

How many months in advance did they need to reserve their fast passes? https://mobile.twitter.com/willjennings80/status/1346946815422320641
I know the country has been handing out medals like tic-tacs, but this should at least rise to the level of a wilderness girl merit badge.
https://mobile.twitter.com/Dknight10k/status/1347004814895550464
I really hope these public servants were given a crack at vaccination before anyone in that building not physically cleaning up the shattered glass of our democracy. https://mobile.twitter.com/KWestSavali/status/1347028393401884676
Divorce attorney here, and same.

People who use terror to extract what they want need consequences early and often, or nothing restrains them. https://mobile.twitter.com/ruthbenghiat/status/1346979144807149571
Folks act like they are sneaking out after an ill-conceived 80s-style panty raid organized by the local frat after a rousing kegger, not walking away from ashes after they've set fire to democracy.

It's not political hijinks, it's crowd-sourced arson.⤵️ https://mobile.twitter.com/BeauWillimon/status/1347101500938575874
After man shows up at ex's house repeatedly threatening her with a variety of weapons and realizes finally that the chainsaw didn't cut down the door quite right, he says it's probably fine if she wants to date someone else and no PFA is needed. https://mobile.twitter.com/NBCNews/status/1347117287405453317
After a few hours of sleep I see that they have circled round from "WE WILL BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN" to the ever popular shaggy defense.

Sure. No spare key. No bathroom floor. Uh-huh. Totes credible.
https://mobile.twitter.com/scottsantens/status/1347022810892410880
Collins, doing the "right thing" when she doesn't need someone anymore. https://twitter.com/bangordailynews/status/1347151496765272068
Perhaps, like those who "lost" the south, they will get a few racist statutes around town to remind everyone of their greatness - we all should pay tribute to consequence-free sedition.

...at least that's what an awful lot of low-fact history books say. https://twitter.com/bethrevis/status/1347157874796015617
Mulvaney, obviously taking time-release amnesia pills.

This guy has been the same for DECADES. https://twitter.com/AshaRangappa_/status/1347174461708103689
I mean, who needs consequences when you can have a VACATION!
https://twitter.com/jbendery/status/1347194604970536962
I gotta tell you....I feel the whole nation with a dry spell coming for Ben here. https://twitter.com/benshapiro/status/1347177322261204993
This is my surprised face. https://twitter.com/Elaijuh/status/1347205394393927697
No officer, I don't know why a man I picked up at the laundromat, seduced repeatedly, gave a gun to, and told to kill my husband so we could be together killed my husband.

After all, Garth wouldn't do it, so why would he think that's what I was asking?
https://twitter.com/therecount/status/1347309670378176512
Peculiar to see a member of Congress be so oblivious to market forces and self-created consequences...after all, isn't he a beacon of legislation supporting personal responsibility? https://mobile.twitter.com/HawleyMO/status/1347327743004995585
Same energy
https://mobile.twitter.com/fred_guttenberg/status/1347346483557892097
Tl;Dr - Woman with lots of yachts knows when to jump ship. https://mobile.twitter.com/rebeccaballhaus/status/1347361238645436416
This guy's entire life is plated, veneered, dipped, and spackled. https://mobile.twitter.com/Olivianuzzi/status/1347357939049373696
Tap, tap...

🎶🎙we've only just begun to grift
White hoods and nationalists

🍾

https://mobile.twitter.com/donwinslow/status/1347345939690713090
Democrats should be treating this more like the intent is a punch card system.

They'll want their 11th coup to be on the House. https://twitter.com/tedlieu/status/1347378498458054658
Look, when you've planned your coup cosplay at an ultimate warrior gym, you need to act out the fantasy in full to be fulfilled.
https://twitter.com/WesleyLowery/status/1347361220068839427
The complete lack of courage to deliver consequences more severe than a click of the tongue scolding is phenomenally neglectful governance. https://mobile.twitter.com/gaywonk/status/1347650255530192896
They are looking for a rug big enough to sweep it all under so we can hug it out. https://mobile.twitter.com/JYSexton/status/1347640337041391616
Entitled man, spends an inordinate amount of time behaving in a undignified, immature, and intemperate manner, then throws a $.10 word tantrum when it is pointed out to him.

Squeamish chap he is. https://mobile.twitter.com/AaronBlake/status/1347665397974233088
Ain't that a wet biscuit.

Thoughts and prayers. https://mobile.twitter.com/TwitterSafety/status/1347684877634838528
Heavens to Murgatroyd!
https://mobile.twitter.com/mtgreenee/status/1347696197759221761
This guy financed American Sniper, but can't find it inside himself to pull the trigger for democracy. https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2021/01/08/mnuching-25th-amendment/#click=https://t.co/Eg67X0TKnQ
Treasury Secretary Mnuchin involved in discussions about the 25th Amendment, but is unlikely to...

The effort is viewed as unlikely to proceed.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2021/01/08/mnuching-25th-amendment/#click=https://t.co/Eg67X0TKnQ
Periodic PSA that #1A protects from being silenced BY government, but does not prohibit companies FROM silencing government on their platforms. https://mobile.twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1347697226466828288
Nice democracy you've got there. It'd be a shame if something happened... https://mobile.twitter.com/mccarthyryanj/status/1347675916651134981
Man sets house on fire, gets super angry when someone else says a house is on fire. https://mobile.twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1347678192123990016
Man who throws spaghetti at a wall professionally loses his noodle over a life of pasta. https://mobile.twitter.com/ndrew_lawrence/status/1347732283856474115
This statement is profanely insincere. https://mobile.twitter.com/LindseyGrahamSC/status/1347748021514153991
I can't quite put a finger on what these accounts have in common... https://mobile.twitter.com/willchamberlain/status/1347719998391910401
Only fans is, of course, his dream outcome...where he can sell admission to his show. https://mobile.twitter.com/AynRandPaulRyan/status/1347856505878429696
Same energy.
Same energy.
Same energy.
Today social media serves as the sandwich generation...having to finally take dad's keys away. https://mobile.twitter.com/mikecavalier/status/1347935422853357568
These gents are so funny...like Trump would bequeath his followers to anyone not named Trump. https://mobile.twitter.com/New_Narrative/status/1348001584207294467
I'm so surprised.
https://mobile.twitter.com/hugolowell/status/1348038130293764097
Woman brags about bathroom renovation with shower so amazing it washes clean past sins. https://mobile.twitter.com/KellyannePolls/status/1348074119041077250
I have an odd sense of validation that I'm not the only one that came up with strong panty raid energy.

Cheers, @CaitlinPacific...to the men who deserved a good walloping with a hair dryer circa 1980.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/01/worst-revolution-ever/617623/
I'd guess there is a whoooooole lot of dark and nefarious wrapped up in a plucky little trundling band of farcical nonsense so it can easily be laughed off with a hearty guffaw. https://mobile.twitter.com/yashar/status/1348307801857118209
You can follow @TiffanyBond.
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