I was doubting my own experiences but after receiving validation from a few friends that I did not misinterpret the situation I am going to admit that Taylor was weird with me and a friend re: nudes

So this is me saying *EYE* experienced this

Let me be clear that I was not EVER going to speak about this. I did not (and still don’t know if I do) consider myself a “survivor” of Taylor. But then this stuff came out and I immediately believed it bc I remembered this

that said

SEE WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS

A friend and i were publicly talking about the joys of sending nudes to friends so they can gas you up

Taylor publicly said something that I can’t recall verbatim but basically amounted to “ooo can i join???”

Keep in mind that my friend and I weren’t sending nudes to each other at that point.

Taylor wasn’t joining anything she was starting something

I think we said yes, and I think it was enthusiastic. But what else are we supposed to do on Twitter, in front of all our friends? Say “no Taylor you can’t sit with us?” Publicly reject her? That felt weird

Like I was not going to do that. Plus, getting validation is always nice!

So then Taylor sends a pic. My friend sends one. I don’t really want to send one but at this point I feel like a creeper for not sending one. What am I gonna do? Just look at theirs?

So I send one

And it’s all platonic! It’s all “omg look at you girl!!! GODDESS!!!”

It is all platonic. We’re not sexting. We’re not talking about having sex with each other. We’re just bisexual girls gassing each other up and talking about our insecurities and getting validation

Then this happens. The tone shifts

I didn’t feel violated. I don’t think I did? What I felt was like

I was like “I don’t know how to respond to that”

Bc it was an ABRUPT shift in tone.

It’s important to note that my friend saying “RT” is the LAST interaction we had with Taylor regarding nudes. That was the last message. We never picked this group chat back up again

So now. I’m gonna put on my teacher hat bc I used to teach this to kids all the time. This is called “boundary testing.” It is a core feature of sexual violence. It is testing boundaries to see what a person will allow you to get away. It is escalation

Again, I’m not gonna say that at the time I would have ever thought to classify it as “violence”

I thought “Taylor’s kinda weird and hyper and she’s not great on boundaries”

I left it at that

As I saw her testing boundaries in professional settings (tagging editors bc they didn’t respond to her pitch was a big one) I kept remembering this incident. And I started to kind of hate her and think she was annoying and I didn’t know why she was living in my head rent free

Let me also be really nuanced here. I wasn’t planning on calling her out. I just wasn’t. I’m not trying to say that she shouldn’t have been. But I think what I’m saying is that behaviors at the more “subtle” or less socially recognized end of sexual violence are easier to

Perpetuate. Bc sometimes people actually don’t know they’re making people uncomfortable bc we’re not taught. maybe at some point, ive made someone else uncomfortable but thought I was being confident or something

It happens. People sometimes do this to each other when they don’t know better.

But the thing is. Taylor does know better. She is a “survivor advocate.”

There’s no excuse once you become an advocate. There’s none.
You should know this stuff

Taylor Also has done This REPEATEDLY. on different levels of the spectrum of sexual violence. She has a pattern. She refused to apologize or stop or engage in any kind of process privately. We saw proof of that

now why the FUCK (?!!?) would me and my friend have the same interpretation of this experience for a year (keep in mind this is before Taylor came forward about delancey) but also be plotting against her?

Does that make sense to you!

If she had done anything else I would not be so mad. I think we punish Black women too much for mistakes. I hope that i will be given grace for mine. But we do not acknowledge sexual violence as much when women do it. And sexual violence is not something we can give grace for

When the person is unrepentant. I don’t care about public apologies for most behaviors. Whatever. Move on. Live your life. Idc.

But this is different