Yesterday I had a hypnotic recall which was a continuation of my prior abduction event. I’m not going to go into details, because honestly I have so much trouble deciding whether I even believe it’s true. Like so much else going on with me right now, it’s inconclusive. 1/

It’s well accepted scientifically that hypnotic recall of lost memories is very unreliable. It’s also extremely easy to lead the subject (although I am confident that’s not happening in my case because I’ve been looking out for it—it was one of my main concerns). 2/

My hypnotherapist is board certified, and has been doing hypnotherapy work for over 20 years. She insists that the subconscious can’t lie, and maybe she’s right, but there’s no way to prove that my conscious mind isn’t involved in some way. I was definitely in a deep trance. 3/

Since there’s no way to validate the memories themselves, I am left to try and confirm any details to support it externally. There are many. I have worked with @stuartdavis extensively to compile information, including interrogating my poor sister (who has no memories at all). 4/

One of the few which came up after much pressing was my sister remembering a “meteorite landing in our yard,” and her and my dad going out to find it. What are the odds of that happening? What are the odds of it being a cover memory? Incredibly low either way, unfortunately. 5/

The stumbling block for me is an anchor memory of meeting what I can only describe as a “mantis being” in a cornfield. That was a conscious memory, and terrifying. I was about 3’ away from it, and don’t doubt I experienced it. So if that happened, why should I doubt the rest? 6/

At this point, the memories recovered under hypnosis include abduction of my family, medical procedures involving grays and mantids, and classrooms on other planets. I indicated under hypnosis it had happened over 20 times. That’s one of the hang ups I have, is the frequency. 7/

So I continue to investigate and try and find evidence that could validate it. Hence my surprise the other day when I find I am in a haplogroup of people that is purported to be frequently associated with abductions—an extremely rare haplogroup with a weird history (JP-58). 8/

The vast majority of Experiencers have no conscious memory of their abduction, just odd events surrounding it such as missing time. I can’t recall missing time, but huge swathes of my childhood are blank so that’s not surprising (common with PTSD). 9/

In the end, I can either listen to the people around who me who are validating my events, or listen to my instincts which tell me it’s all a vivid confabulation. How much of that is because I simply don’t want to accept the ramifications of it? Honestly, it’s a lot. 10/

Being an Experiencer sucks. I can’t tell most of my friends about it. People are told they’re crazy, and shunned. Even Experiencers attack each other—I just saw one call another a “LARPer” the other day (that was an Unfollow for me). Not to mention the ramifications of it. 11/

I have to add all of this onto everything else going on: possible psi abilities, some of which come and go; synchronicities that are way beyond the norm; high strangeness, like my clock audibly not ticking the moment I pay attention to it and then resuming at exactly 8:00. 12/

I’m also dealing with chronic pain and debilitating health conditions while living alone with no income (rapidly dwindling savings), so I’m worried I will end up homeless or worse. Which, by the way, is all common crap with Experiencers. Sigh.
13/

Where do I put my focus? What happens if I choose to believe it? What if I ignore it? What if I believe it and I’m wrong? Would that make me a liar, a true LARPer among genuine Experiencers? What am I going to have for breakfast? Do these pants make my implant look big?
14/14

Oh, and before anyone asks (again): there is no CO poisoning, I have no gas heat; I have been under the care of a psychiatrist and therapist the whole time; I do not do hard drugs (pot maybe once a month, I have my medical card); I like walks on beach, and back rubs.