An important thing to understand (esp. for white trans people out there) is that while we use the term "trans community" as a kind of shorthand, what we really mean is that there's a ton of overlapping communities that are loosely bound by a common factor, but differentiated by

a number of other very important things, including: location, age, socioeconomic status, race, education, sexuality, etc. etc. And if you're used to seeing yourself as the default kind of person, these differences might not seem readily apparent to you. It's sometimes the case

that a trans person tries to "force" themselves into a community. But even if all parties are friendly with each other, the sense of community might not gel for that one person because of these differences, and that might be nobody's fault! A common way this happens is

along lines of politics or philosophy. If you are upset because you perceive the "trans community" to largely be at odds with your beliefs, then probably no amount of trying is going to make you feel at home in that particular community. Sorry.

It's usually not "toxicity," it's just difference. There is no trans melting pot. I personally believe that providing general emotional and material support to all trans people is good, but that hardly means I want to interact with all trans people.

So if you reach a point where you feel like you just don't fit into ANY trans community, that's probably going to take some self-reflection. If you're a stealth transmed that believes cisness is the aspiration, then probably you're gonna be more at home around cis people.

You don't HAVE to associate with other transgender people, and you definitely don't have to bag on all other trans people when you find your differences are too great. Maybe the communities you belong to just have to be based on something else. Go do that. Be free.

With all that being said, I do believe associating with and talking to trans people from different walks of life is really good! But none of those people owe you any sense of strong community. Recognize the difference.