I am calling on @googlescholar to find me 4,132 citations. There is no way I am losing to @UrbanDavidSimon. This is evidence there are thousands of citations out there.

You all can just say you recalculated.

I would also accept removing 2065 from David and giving me 2066.
Er, and while we're at it, @googlescholar, you might just go out and find me 88,828 citations. We all know @NeilAdger takes very cool selfies, but that can't hide all those fraudulent citations!

(Actually, you might want to make it 89000 citations, since he keeps getting more!)
Listen @googlescholar, the people are angry. They want answers. It's only 100k citations I need. That would overturn the preposterous "leads" @rjtklein and @schipper_lisa enjoy over me, while solving those embarrassing @UrbanDavidSimon and @NeilAdger frauds.
(Hey, if we have to live in the stupidest timeline, I insist we get to at least make fun of it)
You can follow @edwardrcarr.
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