Growing up in abuse often results in now knowing how to establish, exercise, or communicate personal boundaries. Abuse is a violation of any sense of reasonable autonomy, and the brain of a child is always working to have an idea of how the world works-a dangerous combination.

As we start the work of addressing our trauma, and reestablishing our sense of personhood, and start developing relationship conditions, it’s totally normal for many of our existing relationships to suffer and sometimes die.

This doesn’t mean you’re failing at relationships, or that you’re doing anything wrong. It often means that those relationships were built, at least partially, on things you allowed that were unhealthy and came at a sacrifice for your mental or physical well-being.

The last two years in therapy, I’ve needed a lot of reassurance that negative reactions to reasonable relationship boundaries are not relationship failures, but a weeding out of unhealthy situations.

People who love you want you to be healthy and whole.

Boundaries are a type of kindness you can only gift yourself.