Here are the problems with the apology penned by #BeanDad John Roderick:

1. Those tweets he's saying were from "so long" ago and that he's a real adult now and has grown up? Uh ... he was in his MID FORTIES when he tweeted them. He wasn't a kid, and it wasn't that long ago.

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2. His tweets are uniquely, violently awful. Telling people he'll rape them ("not funny rape") -- !!! -- my GOD, that wasn't OK at ANY point in Twitter history. Explaining that those were different times, or that he's better now, can't erase that extreme, chilling misogyny.

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3. Nor can an apology erase the often bizarre ways he tweeted about Jewish people. He claims it was ironic, but his antisemitism was ... almost obsessive. His go-to "joke" in response to *anything* was to blame Jews. That's ... not normal.

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4. Then there are multiple examples of racism, homophobia and transphobia. In the apology he attempts to sweep ALL OF IT away with the ol' "long-ago youthful indiscretions" magic wand. He says he wanted to "repurpose" slurs the way that marginalized folks do. BUT, uh ...

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... sexual assault survivors don't go around tweeting they're going to RAPE YOU ("bad rape, not funny rape") -- !!! -- Women who know the harms of rape don't repurpose rape threats for laughs! There's a HUGE flaw in his apology.

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He thinks that if he were just [insert marginalized identity here] he could have "gotten away with" tweeting those things. That's wrong, especially since his tweets were so offensive to so many groups. It's clear he's still unable to see past his privilege.

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5. Let's move on to the #BeanDad situation itself. His apology rewrites the narrative in order to make it sound less bad. That, in itself, demonstrates a refusal to comprehend how abusive his actions were. He apologizes he "reminded people" of abusive parenting ...

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... while never once taking any responsibility for engaging in abusive parenting. None of us were there, so who's to say: was daughter unable to eat, or was there a bowl of nuts? Was he lying then, or is he lying now? But whichever version is the truth, ...

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... it seems to me that, at the very least, he has still neglected to account for his refusal to help, guide, or comfort his daughter. The lesson he taught her is that he can't be trusted, and he makes no mention of this harm to her in his apology.

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Indeed, according to his apology, nothing abusive happened! He's just awfully sorry that he reminded folks of their abusive dads! But one thing he does not clarify at all in that lengthy apology: Did his daughter cry, as she does in the tweeted-out version, or not?

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This, to me, is the crux of it, and it's really important to know. Did she cry, or didn't she? Again: was he lying then, or is he lying now? This is a problem with apologies like his -- on the surface the words sound "sincere," but we don't know what to believe.

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If she cried, and he still refused to help, that's abuse. At the very least he certainly lost any "valuable" "teaching" "moment" if she cried in frustration and he didn't respond with guidance, comfort or assistance. She's NINE F*CKING YEARS OLD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

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I hope @johnroderick will come clean: Did she cry? I further hope he will acknowledge that his story was itself a story of abuse -- and not just a story that "reminded" people of abuse.

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Lastly: I know his apology looks and sounds "good." Lots of (mostly white, mostly male, mostly cis & straight) folks are tweeting that it's a "good" apology.

But stop.

Listen to those of us who have been abused by parents. Those of us who've been sexually assaulted.

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Maybe the arbiters of the apology should be the actual people harmed: His own daughter! Jewish folks! LGBTQ people, rape survivors, and most definitely, survivors of parental abuse.

This queer sexual-assault and parental-abuse survivor finds the apology lacking.

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Actually, an addendum, in the form of a question:

WHY are we always SO SO willing to give white straight men the benefit of the doubt? To feel sorry for them, and to believe they're "really" "sorry" and that they "didn't" "mean" to cause harm?

#BeanDadIsAbusive