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Yeeeep - I lost 2 g-parents before I was born, 2 as a teen, and my dad to terminal cancer at 29, so death discussion became a norm in my immediate family. It’s made me extremely aware of how my fellow white people are grossly incompetent at death talk and grief. https://twitter.com/shrinkthinks/status/1346268283008290816
1) when my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, an immediate family member’s reaction upon being told was “what does this mean for me?”
He was selfishly freaking out that he could have it too, because genetics.
He was selfishly freaking out that he could have it too, because genetics.
2) as my dad undertook chemo/etc to hopefully get more time, ppl started to drop by (eg get in their goodbyes). My dad got frustrated. He was tired with limited energy, and now he had to use that energy to deal with randos vs fill his final days with what he wanted
Honestly? His final months were spent managing OTHER people’s anxieties over death. Dealing with people saying “well have you tried THIS” as if some quack strategy could cure stage iv pancreatic cancer, or people being a “omg ur so brave/a hero” (made him highly uncomfortable)
Bc ppl like to think there really are cures. Because that way it can never really be them in that situation. They won’t be the ones dying. And people want to make heroes, make facing death somehow extraordinary and rare. Not something we all face.
ANYWAYS. I’m not even getting into how people acted when he was in hospice, and how people acted after he died because I could go ON, and I have to get to work instead of rage tweeting at 730am
