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by the way, I don't think having said or done harmful things in the past means that you can never be forgiven or that you deserve to be pilloried or ostracised for life, but there are a few things everyone seems to forget when they're apologising for their checkered pasts:
1) whatever your intent was at the time, it doesn't matter - what matters is the harm you caused
2) an apology isn't a cure
2a) some people will never forgive you no matter how sincere your apology and you'll just have to live with that
2) an apology isn't a cure
2a) some people will never forgive you no matter how sincere your apology and you'll just have to live with that
I fully believe that nobody is perfect and that people are always learning and growing, but the other side of that is understanding that the people you've hurt don't have to stick around while you learn and grow and then forgive you after
some people knew you before you learnt and grew, and it is perfectly understandable and very reasonable that those people might decide they don't want to be around you anymore, even if you've changed, because they remember being hurt and that's their experience of you
one thing I learnt in therapy was that if you're only bettering yourself so that you can get everyone to like you again, you will never succeed, because you can become a genuinely better person but you can't force people to take you back! and that's *fine* because boundaries!
trauma is lasting and apologies can't heal it
forgiveness is not owed or even earnt, but has to be freely and willingly given
some people will never forgive and never forget and that's their right
forgiveness is not owed or even earnt, but has to be freely and willingly given
some people will never forgive and never forget and that's their right
there are people I never want to see again for whatever reason, and no amount of self-improvement on their parts could convince me to give them a second chance
there are people who never want to see *me* again because they knew me when I was twenty-one and an asshole
there are people who never want to see *me* again because they knew me when I was twenty-one and an asshole
I'm sad that there are people who will always mistrust and dislike me, but that's their *right* - I hurt them, and hopefully I'm a better person now but they don't owe it to me to stick around and find out, just like I don't owe it to people who hurt me
the best (and only) thing you can do if you've hurt someone is apologise, do better and try not to fuck up again
if the other person decides to give you a second chance, lucky you! but you aren't owed it, you can't force it and you have to live with that
if the other person decides to give you a second chance, lucky you! but you aren't owed it, you can't force it and you have to live with that
trying to force the people you've harmed to watch your journey of growth and discovery makes it all about your feelings of shame rather than their pain and hurt
don't apologise if you're not willing to better yourself *with or without* an audience
don't apologise if you're not willing to better yourself *with or without* an audience
if that seems unfair, think of it this way:
every action has consequences for *everyone* involved
the people you hurt may never recover, and conversely, you may never be able to repair the damage you did
gotta live with your fuckups, that's how it is
every action has consequences for *everyone* involved
the people you hurt may never recover, and conversely, you may never be able to repair the damage you did
gotta live with your fuckups, that's how it is
sometimes you don't find absolution and that's just the way it is
sometimes you never get back the friends you lost and that's the price you pay for having hurt them
if you think that's unfair, well, your friends never asked to be hurt
sometimes you never get back the friends you lost and that's the price you pay for having hurt them
if you think that's unfair, well, your friends never asked to be hurt
apologies are good when you mean them, but part of meaning them is taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions, and one of those consequences might be that you never get back what you lost
1) you can talk about abuse without blaming it on neurodivergence
2) okay, so what? if someone is abusing you, do you *want* to stick around and beg that person's forgiveness? https://twitter.com/Broaddict2/status/1346430429205815296?s=19
2) okay, so what? if someone is abusing you, do you *want* to stick around and beg that person's forgiveness? https://twitter.com/Broaddict2/status/1346430429205815296?s=19
