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Today a trans friend told me that he couldn't understand how I was just vibin' as a non dysphoric trans man and I think my explanation was pretty chill?
So anyways how being fat at a young age turned out to be a weird saving grace when it comes to being trans
So anyways how being fat at a young age turned out to be a weird saving grace when it comes to being trans
I always say that my list of oppression is being fat first, black second and trans is third.
At the age of 8 I became fat due to a series of issues but being fat at a young age invites unfiltered curiousity from other young children. So I was asked "why are you fat?" a lot
At the age of 8 I became fat due to a series of issues but being fat at a young age invites unfiltered curiousity from other young children. So I was asked "why are you fat?" a lot
Which I couldn't answer, I just was. But it forced me to do something that a lot of young children don't have to do. And that is I had to perceive myself and find answer to the question "why am I fat?" "is being fat bad?" "am I big boned, what even is big boned?"
So here I am, 8+ and having a fat existencial crisis but also calm. The women who were cool in the 90's Aaliyah, TLC and Naomi Campbell, and more had no effect on me. I loved seeing them but never felt the need to be them ( probs the first trans hint )
Fat, 8+ and not wanting to look like Aaliyah but also understanding that therefore I will never be loved like Aaliyah meant you have to seek the love elsewhere but where that love could be found was also a mystery to me. I am a fucking child
So I boxed it and vibed till the first time I heard the sentence "yeah you are fun, and your face is nice but the body, you know"
floored. I didn't even ask that person for their opinion but you know, when you are fat in public, you are also public domain I guess.
floored. I didn't even ask that person for their opinion but you know, when you are fat in public, you are also public domain I guess.
So I was juggling being fat, a lesbian but the label doesn't quite fit, and I like Aaliyah but don't want to be her all at once. Which is exhausting.
Until I decided to just say fuck it. I wasn't going to be shamed into becoming thin. Thin = Aaliyah = Womanhood ≠ Me.
Until I decided to just say fuck it. I wasn't going to be shamed into becoming thin. Thin = Aaliyah = Womanhood ≠ Me.
Which was dumb statement but let me be, I was 13 at the time. So I started to pour hours into loving and enjoying myself.
Found comfort in Missy Elliott, my body and most important of all told myself I was worthy of love and if they can't love me fat, then don't love me at all
Found comfort in Missy Elliott, my body and most important of all told myself I was worthy of love and if they can't love me fat, then don't love me at all
I refused to blame or hate my body for how people wished to perceive it and tried to shame me for it.
And I wasn't going to hold up my palm for crumbs of love. So I baked my own bread of love and gave myself the unconditional love that I deserve to this day!
And I wasn't going to hold up my palm for crumbs of love. So I baked my own bread of love and gave myself the unconditional love that I deserve to this day!
At the age of 15, I was a fat, big boobed, lesbian, and masculine and I loved every second of it.
Even if I didn't understand my boobs. Neutral about them, they were a part of me and I love me, so I loved them too.
Even if I didn't understand my boobs. Neutral about them, they were a part of me and I love me, so I loved them too.
So when I came out as trans at the age of 20 I was already in a commited relationship with my body. One that said, 'we may not have all the answers but I am happy to see you, to take care of you and just exist without apologizing'
And that is why I think being fat helped me.
And that is why I think being fat helped me.
TLDR:
Having to learn how to accept my fat body at a young age helped me accept my body when I came out as trans.
Your body can't help how it all turned out but that doesn't mean it doesn't deserve any less love and neither do you
Having to learn how to accept my fat body at a young age helped me accept my body when I came out as trans.
Your body can't help how it all turned out but that doesn't mean it doesn't deserve any less love and neither do you
