Normalize apologizing and seeking to be accountable when you violate an agreement or do harm, but never allowing someone to tell you who you are. People will use those moments to try to convince you of the biography they’ve written. Accountability is not manipulation.

Their hurt feelings, their disappointment, etc is not the defining moment of your character and is unlikely to have been the totality of their experience with you. Be present, be empathetic, be accountable, and be clear about who you are even when you’re not your best self.

If you know what to look for and listen for, you will observe who wants you to be accountable, who wants retribution, and who wants control. These are often conflated.