The funny/not funny thing about the Bean Dad discourse? If a Mom had tweeted that thread no one would be insisting it was a comedy bit or a lesson in problem solving. The emergency abuse hot line would have rung off the hook three tweets in.

And that is not hyperbole, people have called child services on Black moms on here for braids (some of you remember) & I have seen threats to call on a white mom for taking away tech. The bias people think exists in custody hearings actually plays out in expecting more of moms.

When kid #1 was little my ex filed a bullshit report with DCFS. He took me to court 40+ times. I can tell you if I ever had no food in the house I would have lost custody immediately. The checklist from the DCFS visit literally had separate categories for the fridge & pantry

IIRC you had to have food in the fridge & on the shelf like "canned goods, fresh produce, milk, frozen items" & the caseworker literally looked at all of those places, looked in his room (because I also had to have a separate bedroom for him) & checked the cleanliness too

The office got to the point of closing the case after his second false report & told me directly, like a caseworker sat on my couch & told me, "He hates you and will keep using the system so you can't slip up. Not once." Meanwhile he had a tent in his kitchen for visitation

I eventually got total legal & physical custody but only after he wrote me a note in permanent marker on my child's back, violated a court order, told a judge he didn't want me to know where he lived when he had visits & that I needed to send food with kiddo so he could eat.

A phone call could have terminated my custodial rights, but he had to set his on fire repeatedly for 5 years. And people still occasionally said "Well you have to let him be a dad if he ever gets it together" No the fuck I don't.

Kid #1 is 21. That's my big headed baby forever. But whew, I am still traumatized a little by the memory of fighting to keep my kid safe. And I wish people would consider what scripts misogyny & racism write about parents