After protracted/painful personal experience and relatively rigorous academic study on the sociology, psychology, and legality of victims, offenders, and bystanders, I have this to say:

It’s complicated.

It’s a disservice to ALL to dumb the aforementioned down.

The long, winding, and wounding road between the unspeakable being spoken, the unknowable being known, and the unbelievable being believed.

Don’t distill all that despair into the alcool of abuse so you can take a shoot of sorrow to feel a bit tipsy on the trauma of it all.

Many are punch drunk on despair — victimization runs in their veins.

Too many.

Kindly drink a hot steamy cup of shut the #$&* up and help them to sober up.

Mop up the vomit. Hold their hair. Fetch some water.

Thinking clearly takes time when you’ve been seeing double.

If you don’t understand, then seek to understand.

ASK. Research. Think critically. Relate empathically. Don’t accuse.

And for the love of all that’s good, don’t assume.

You know what ass-u-m-ing does.

You have bias because you are human.

Acknowledge it and be humane.

Remember that most victims NEVER get an apology or an acknowledgement.

Never.

Remember that most insiders NEVER see.

Sight, apology, and acknowledgement ARE heroic actions in part because they are so rare.

Unfortunately, victimization is not.

Don’t bash folks when the finally see.

Rejoice that they see at all.

Fling open the doors by the window you’ve been watching out; hike up your robe, run and fling your arms around those who have returned to truth; to themselves; to each other.

It’s a homecoming.