The first time I heard a man (seriously) call himself a feminist, I laughed, assuming it was a irony-laden empathetic joke. Roughly 2002, both in our early 20s, we were good friends. He was put-out by my instinctive response and the more considered responses that followed. https://twitter.com/janeclarejones/status/1346026828264304641

"But, you're a man! So (surely) you can support or agree w/ feminist aims & principles - which I know* you do - but you can't seriously consider yourself a feminist. Can you?"

He could and he did.

This wasn't a short conversation. But, in brief, he questioned (with his characteristic eloquence and conviction which I'd come to love and respect) how I could doubt it on the basis that feminism was a school of thought, a set of aims and principles, a political analysis.

That is, if he lived by, spoke for and acted in accordance with feminist principles what reasonable argument could anyone have with him considering himself a feminist.

My instinctive "because you're a man" didn't seem to address his seemingly very reasonable points.

My intellect began to fight with my instinct: it sounded wrong (actually, ludicrous) to hear a man declare himself a feminist but his logic and reasoning didn't. And I knew he meant it and meant well.

It didn't sit right but, since I couldn't summon any intellectual counter argument, we left it there, unresolved. Talked about other shit, got drunk, went out, whatever. I'd think about it here and there, less and less. Still no clear rebuttal, still didn't sit right though.

Over time, his position must have gained validity, subconsciously (though not w/o a sense of undefinable discomfort) b/c at some point, not only did I stop laughing men I respected announced they too were feminists - I came to think of (and refer to) them as feminists myself ...

On reflection, that feels really uncomfortable: like I submitted, complied with, internalised and (later) repeated an argument in spite of my (buried) instinctive boundaries because I had no intellectual answer that seemed robust.

Twenty years on and most of those men are still good and respected friends of mine. 4 sure, I've seen every one of them behave in ways/say things drizzled-steeped in sexism. I don't 'police' this but I'll (nearly) always call it out & laugh, at the very least. And ...

although plenty of women do the same - it's our culture - no woman has ever raped or sexually assaulted me. No woman has sexually harassed me or stalked me. Far fewer women have dismissed me, my input or my attributes based on the fact that I'm 'just' a woman/not a man.

The first thing that resonates most here is that calling these respected men allies breaks no instinctive boundaries for me & I'm pretty sure not a single one of them would take issue with it - let 'em try!

And the other, the KEY thing, is the space, away ...

... from the discrimination, misogyny, violence etc that is so draining to constantly contend with and navigate because (even though notallmen) vigilance is a (sadly) necessary means of pre-emptive protective defence from the inevitable trickle/flood/tsunami of men's sexism ...

A space, forum, political movement, group AWAY from any of those concerns - that centres women - is so crucial to finding ways forward. And that space must exclude men (yes, all men) so women can focus time & energy on issues rather than men's issues with them/their issues.

So, yeh. Once again, I reckon @janeclarejones, and a whole lot of other rad fems whose views I might once have assumed (with little real knowledge) to be a bit a bit full on, turn out to be bang on the nose.

Men: know your place! (hint: in feminism it's not in front)

Ally fits.