Statistician: The p-value is 0.16780.

Clinician: All I want to do is this. I just want you to remove 0.11780, because I know the p-value is less than 0.05.

If power isn’t peacefully transferred to Bayes by January 20th, we’ll be facing an unprecedented replication crisis.

Leading scientists have raised concerns about the autocratic tendencies during the “reign” of the p-value, including misinformation being spread by the p-value on social media.

https://royalsocietypublishing.org/doi/10.1098/rsbl.2019.0174

All 800 living science secretaries penned a letter a year ago to warn us about the impending dangers but we didn’t listen.

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-019-00857-9

The Founders could have never seen this day coming...

...mostly because they were too busy writing awful stuff about eugenics.

Supporters of p-values have threatened to leave the country to settle near the home of their mysterious leader, PAnon.

Now you might argue that it’s not really PAnon unless it’s from the PAnon region of France.

Checkmate.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panon,_Sarthe